Smash The State Figure Review-A-Thon: Almost Every Other Joe Blog Ripped us off

No fun, to be alone

2009-02-04T13:27:00.003-07:00

Feelin' that same old way.

Well you jerks and jerkettes, Smash The State Figure Review-A-Thon has reached the end of its usable life, in two short years we accomplished all the things we set out to do:

1. Piss off nerds - Check
2. Write stupid things about stupid toys - Check
3. 1991 Grunt - Check
4. In jokes about stuff that happened 8 years ago - Check

So instead of seeing ourselfs start to get confortable and lazy (like we kinda are now) we're gonna call this whole thing off.

With that said I'd like to say a few things to some people:

Joecustoms - Your site stopped being cool in 2002, and has been going down hill and has fallen out of relevancy, despite you never wanting to admit it, Hisstank has done what you, JBL, Sgt Savage and all the other "BIG GUYS" failed to do, corner the major news and discussion market. Not to mention customizing has been getting worse and worse since 2001. We really enjoyed your signatures about us too! Go hog wild!

Hisstank - Thank you for being so paranoid about stupid things jerks say that you blocked my IP Address so I can't read your website, I'm so bummed I can't see CUSTOMS OF THE WEEK and pictures of toyz i'll never buy. PS: Keep being better at monopolying the fandom then everyone else so they get butthurt and "boycott" you.

Thomas Wheeler - We are sorry you have to be Thomas Wheeler.

General Hawk - You seem like an okay dude, but I still don't really dig your website or your spiel.

Mike 'De Aco' Fountain - The world misses your music.

All our Blogging Friends and Readers - Keep up the good work.

So what I am getting too is, with Johnny Turk not wanting to carry on, I do not want to carry on, so this places STS on indefinate hiatus, we could be back one day, but for now it's time to say goodbye or fuck you depending on who you are.

This is done, go home!

2009-02-02T11:42:00.003-07:00

This little Smash The State experiment is now long gone dead, it ain't fun for me so I'm outta here. I'm gonna do what I planned on doing the last time I said I was peacing. Dr Henry E. Miller can keep this place running if he wants I'm confident in his ability, anyways this place accomplished more than I figured it would (Was read by other people, made Hisstank cry, apparently made some guys on JC have signatures about us, and made General Hawk say the "f" word)

Anyways it was fun while the fun lasted and I did get too meet some cool non jerks, like Bravo, and his pals who I've been impressed by for years, some cool dudes on Joedios, those okay guys from that blog that was a total rip off Smash The State who I never would have acknowledged.

see ya

standing on the verge of ruining gi joe

2009-01-31T23:47:00.002-07:00

This looks more like Dennis Quaid then the Dennis Quaid figure does.

R.I.P. Dial Tone's penis!

2009-01-27T20:01:00.005-07:00

Dial Tone is a woman now, I guess your thinking "That fag with the beret and mustache? I thought he was just French" Yes, I mean that guy, but now he's a woman. So now your thinking "Who cares it's Dial Tone, I hate French people so fuck him, maybe Brock Lee can do art of her in a bikini. That'd be cool and would remind me of COBRAAA.com"

I guess people don't seem too care, I mean no one likes Frogs and everyone digs BIKINI FAN ART! But I think you people are forgetting stuff. That stuff is that Dial Tone is a real fucking human being. Look at this image, this is what Dial Tone is doing right fucking now, since some goddamn skirt stole his job:

TONIGHT ON UNSOLVED MYSTERIES I YELL UPDATE!

Alright I haven't seen this one. Hopefully they do an update on Women stealing Millitary jobs, fucking Doc had it happen too!

With the G.I. Joe team, which people complain about not enough new blood, they decide "fuck making new characters let's just replace gay homosexual Frenchmen and Uncle Tom's (if your a leader of Street Gang, or a cook or have a House Party 2 Haircut you can stay) with Womyn"

We here at Smash The State don't really care because Dial Tone is totally not as cool as Leatherneck, and by Leatherneck I mean Toxo Viper

FUCK YEAH THIS IS THE ONE WHERE THEY INVESTIGATE KURT COBAIN'S DEATH.

muchos gracias too Felix and Swindle for providing BEANZ eatin' dial tone. You are true heros

SMASH THE TRAFFIC FIGURES

2009-01-22T11:47:00.003-07:00

This post is too thank our dear friends at Broca Blutch R.I.P. for all the traffic they gave us. You guys are No 2. on the list but number one in my heart!

Other cats who gave us traffic: Plastic Nothing, despite being a place with some scary imagery! LBAM I think you gave us some either way I find your stuff entertaining except for your hatred of Eric W. Brenstan is uncalled for! The Cobra Cabana Blog version also gave us traffic thank you Barry Manilow you secret Crimson Guard!

Surprisingly #3 on the list of "JERKZ WHO SEND JERKZ HERE" is joecustoms.com, I bet if I searched that forum I wouldn't find a single link here, it's probably all in the "SUPER SECRET MODERATOR ONLY--NO GURLZ ALOUD" board. Why do I figure it's there? Well a while back there was a "PLAY NICE OR CLOSE UP SHOP" thead on STS FIGURE REVIEW NOW REVIEWS MESSAGE BOARDS-A-THON from a known JC guy who hasn't returned after not hearing what he wanted to hear. Anyways if you have a problem with us, talk too us like adults (despite that most of us own toys designed to be purchased by our parents so we would shut the fuck up when we were 8 years old) or just call us "MOTHERFUCKERS" in all caps you can do that too

PS: THANKS FOR THE TRAFFIC BRADLEY BEAVER

PLAY THIS WHEN WAVE 14 COMES OUT!

2009-01-17T01:50:00.003-07:00

Better reviews are done by LBAM, and other friends of SMASH THE STATE.

NERDS LOOSSING MOENY

2009-01-16T13:00:00.002-07:00

GREETINGS FRIENDS are broken, the STATE WEBSITE of the review of the TOY of action is now under new ownersshio? YES, THAT is TRUE RUSSIAN FIRM of mass-media, "QUITSTALIN" has bought IMPACT, the REVIEW of ACTION of the STAKE (and the maintenance of a box of underwear of girlfriends of Turks Джонни) is not afraid of names (names) of such greater people as jack of Volume and doctor Harold, matlby will keep there places on a word renowed a website not enojyed blu the moon kuentucky WELL NEW FEEATURES INCL UDE edbedding musical advertising for Russia punsk rocks senstations the bolisviks

The post contnet cassandras was quit with mirrlers cowards draewr interview to John talley джонс RUSSIAN писсуаров rock groups of a hit (impact) PROPOGANDA DIO the HISTORY, named (caused) " PROTECTION OKTOBER AGAINST the TRANSFORMER ", the REVIEW of ALL four figures (numbers) of action of PROTECTION OKTOBER, ARRIVING SOON we SHALL buy PLASTIK NOTHKING BROCA the COTTAGE, And all over again the BEST ANGRY LAST REVIEW FUCKS DEMOCRAZY

PANCAKE HEAD

2009-01-15T08:36:00.003-07:00

Remember like five years ago when youtube was just clips from old movies and obscure ass live performances.

With his mask on, NOBODY KNOWS WHAT HES TOWING, COULD JUST BE SOME JUNK.

Topics you don't see on G.I Joe message boards anymore.

2009-01-14T10:36:00.002-07:00

Remember when G.I Joe internet forums we're fun? Me neither!

You never see the following topics anymore:

- "Will we ever get an army builder pack?"

- "PAINTWIPES ARGH"

- "Guys the single card should totally make a comeback so I can buy 150 repaint vipers"

- "WILL WE EVER SEE SUCH CLASSIC MOLDS AS TRIPWIRE EVER AGAIN?"

- "USING CORPS FIGURES AS NEW COBRA ARMY BUILDERS"

- "Those India folk should give back molds like the Crimson Guard and Cross Country!"

- "NOT ENOUGH CRIMSON"

- "I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE FIRST ISSUE OF THE DEVILS DUE COMIC THIS IS THE DAWN OF A NEW ERROR IN G.I JOE"

- "Send back action attack!"

- "GUYS T-CROTCHES WONT BE SO BAD G.I JOE IS G.I JOE RITE"

- "Improved proportions on wave 3 in 2003!"

- "I wonder if they have the Skyhawk mold"

- "UR DREAM LIST OF FIGURES YOU WANT MADE"

- "Heavy Duty: Underrated character"

- "Whats your dream cast for the G.I Joe movie MY CHOICE FOR BREAKER IS DOLPH LUNDGREN"

Those are all pretty retarded, almost as retarded as such great topics and posts as "RIPCORD SHOULD BE A WHITE REDHEAD GUY FROM THE USA"

Dang

2009 Predictions!

2009-01-09T20:43:00.002-07:00

1. Hisstank.com, enemy of Smash The State far before it was cool, will still be far more popular than the following sites: Joecustoms.com, Joebattlelines.com, Yojoe.com and the Baddest Men on eBay site. No word if it'll be more popular than Johio though.

2. One of those sites that are less popular than Hisstank will probably find Smash The State, DRAMA!

3. Tom Jacks Esq's job'll be on the line

4. The Economy will still be bad, nerds will lose money

5. The Smash The State "ORANGE CALENDAR FEATURING THINGS THAT REMIND YOU OF SMASH THE STATE" will probably be made by june.

6. Broca Blutch won't update often

7. G.I. Joe'll probably bomb, but most normal people will join the STS forum if they enjoy the movie, unless they sign up anywhere else and get scared off by seriously fucked up people

8. Smash The State won't apologize for their actions

9. The G.I. Joe club will fuck up again

10. You fucks best buy Dan Sartain's music

11. The Convention will probably be hilarious, Kansas City is apparently rough

12. The Store on 44 won't make good on anything!

13. is the lucky number of the folllowing people places and things: Roman Polanski, NAMBLA, 1983 SEAL codenamed: 'PEDO.

14. No one will catch the Zodiac Killer

15. Big Lob still won't be made. Arctic Hooded Cobra Commander will though (GET IT, RACISM!)

16. G.I. Joe forums will start to merge.

17. No one will like the 1997 Stars and Stripes set

18. Hasbro will totally do some K-Mart exclusive and throw a Yellow Stalker re-release in it

19. Ken Nordine won't return Dr. Henry E. Miller's phone calls about doing "Smash The State Word Jazz radio jingles"

20. The Gross income of Smash The State'll be higher than Bobby Steele's royalties from the Misfits

21. *INSERT SILENT OVERRATED STORY HERE*

22. Johnny Turk'll get pissed off about Smash The State like 9 times

23. 98oldsmobile.gov will continue too regurgitate the same 5 Post Templates over and over (List about shit, Blatant attack towards commuinty darling, history lesson part 3, Post pictures and give commentary, that other one we do a lot but I can't remember)

24. Randy Rampage won't re-join D.O.A.

25. 1991 Grunt'll calm down SPOILER ALERT

26. IS NOT AS GOOD A NUMBER TOO END AT AS 27

27. IS A GOOD NUMBER TO END AT

28. But I'm not Dr. Henry E. Miller so I'll post differently than him

29. Rick Danko refrences will come back once more people rip me off by stopping with hilarious tags.

30. Go out it's friday night!

ILOVEBLACKRIPCORD.COM

2009-01-04T13:27:00.008-07:00

WITH PHOTGRAPHIC PROOF!

Jesus who thinks voting for the first or 3rd option is a good idea?

Black people, bananas? You draw comparisons

ARGH MY SUPERHEROES!

I guess Snake Eyes is cast wrong, as he's from AMERICA LAND OF THE FREE HOME OF THE BRAVE. Not some Scottish guy

GUYS THEY'RE NOT THE SAME AS 27 YEARS AGO! says the guy with the re-envisioned Lifeline avatar

GUYS THE G.I. JOE MOVIE IS ONLY A SCAM TOO MAKE MONEY! THESE LIBERAL HOLLYWOOD BIG-WIGZ DON'T CARE ABOUT G.I. JOE. I ONLY TRUST LARRY HAMA THE ONLY GUY TOO DO ANYTHING WITH G.I. JOE, HE DID EVERYTHING, SCULPT, PAINT, NAME, FINANCE, DRAW, AND PACKAGE EVERY G.I. JOE EVER!

Guys, guys, why do I have too use a revolver with a goddamn scope?

2008-12-28T23:53:00.009-07:00

And other awful G.I. Joe weapons (Yet again, I'm jacking images from the website yojoe, fuck you I ain't scanning a gun I don't own)

1984 Baroness gun:

This gun is really bad, it doesn't fit in a single figure's hands, and of the 6 Baroness' that I've owned over the years, every 2nd one came with the accesory pack version. I don't want this fucking gun in red.

1985 Buzzer thing:

I don't know what it's supposed too be, but it defies physics, unlike Storm Shadow's nunchucks that could atleast bend. Miscellaneous fact: Torch the only one of the original 3 Dreadnoks not too come with another instrument of destruction, was supposed too have a Entrenching tool, I assume Torch was a big enough tool.

Monkeywrench: EXPLOSIVE EXPERT HARPOON!

This thing is awful, and what's with 86 guys being so under-accesorized. 1982 Figures came with more than a shitty gun

1990 Grid Iron: FOOTBALL GRENADE

These are hilarious, because I always imagine these being intercepted by some jerk Joe like Downtown. And then Footloose is all "TOO BAD EL BLANCHO NINO THIS JOKE IS 6 YEARS OLD"

Skypatrol guy brown gun thing:

What the hell is this?

1991 Hawk Revolver

This thing is awful, I mean Dirty Harry didn't need a scope for police brutality (SORRY FOR RIPPING U GUYZ OFF BROCA BLUTCH) but damn it's gold so I like it

Incinerator Catapult of death:

Apparently this was a Napalm catapult (Thanx Cobra Cabana) If so this is a pretty horrible thing, much like those Remco (I think) figures with "BATTLE SCENT" which apparently smelled like napalm

That's all for this week, have a happy new year.

More Goddamn ridiculous Filecards

2008-12-18T10:49:00.009-07:00

This update 1997-2001; The fan and mail room guy years!

1997 Iceberg

Guys he's always cool--In more ways than one! This filecard tells me things. 1. Iceberg doesn't have a wife too cook for him thus everything he eats is a Tee Vee dinner. 2. He builds igloos, now I'm not a goddamn arctic survivalist or anything (I sell forged Garth Hudson autographs) but jesus christ I think the army doesn't use igloos. Because they take a fuck ton of time too build, and unless your an eskimo you can't build a structually sound one. 3. Iceberg looks hella white in his card art

1997 Destro

His filename isn't even spelled correctly. Oh and Iron Grenaiders technically came before Cobra, so the G.I. Joe comic continuity goes like this Issues 75-100 totally happened before Issue 1. Great work Tommy Wheelin' Dealin' Wheeler, this caused more damage too G.I. Joe than paintwipes

1997 Duke

Guys he's not from 1982, but he's totally cool. Like really he's better than Zap man. Jesus whichever jerk fanboy wrote this just decided too paraphrase his 84 Filecard, called him a "Man of Action" and then made graduating Airborne School to be the most important education. I guess Flint's a genius

1998 Torpedo

"That dude's weird he doesn't eat meat, let's not talk too him" I like his secondary Military Specialty "COMMAND" you could totally get away with a lot with that one.

2000 Duke

Shit, Duke was a joe before Hawk and Stalker. Take that Snake Eyes, you mute moron. Were there many EXCLAMATION POINTS! on old filecards? There sure are here

2000 Chameleon

Holy fuck, that's dumber than the dio stories about god, and anything Hawk ever wrote. How is Chameleon sabotaging COBRA missions, having them get a victory?

Crossfire and Double Blast

Two heavy machine gunner who can build guns in the dark. IN THE SAME TWO PACK. No wonder these guys have no following

that's it

FIGHT WITH A TACK

2008-12-16T06:40:00.003-07:00

Today is the day when we look at the TALKING BATTLE COMMANDERS

These figures we're great because they we're the total embodiment of 90's toy gimmicks: Bright colors, watch batteries and SOUND EFFECTS!

Plus they had huge fucking backpacks that we're always attached unless you took a screwdriver to the figure, the backpack would cause them to fall over onto their backs and be stuck like a goddamned turtle, a turtle that had a backpack that made sound effects!

First you had Cobra Commander, who was dressed in a pastel-purple with a rag over his head that somehow fit perfectly. He yelled stuff like: "Vipers attack!" that sounded more like "FIGHT WITH A TACK!

http://www.yojoe.com/action/91/tbc/cc2.wav

Next you had General Hawk who had the worst goddamned tan ever and was dressed in "Desert" colors (ya know for killin' all those sand niggers with the PATRIOT MISSILE) who unconvincingly yelled "Eat lead, Cobra!" and had a giant gold gun, you know made from the gold plundered from Middle Eastern countries.

Then there was OVERKILL the commander of the B.A.T.S who was painted in a menacing shade of bright green with a gold head and ROBOT PANTS. Overkill was such a goddamned advanced robot that he could surf, because he yelled "Wipe out!"

http://www.yojoe.com/action/91/tbc/over2.wav

Then you had Stalker who partied so hard he was always grinning halfway between pain and the pleasure you get when you puke all over some jerks car in the parking lot of the Grand Union that one time when I was 19. He also ATTACKED and BLITZED people, he had a fucking Ninja Star, so basically this Stalker was a black guy in a 70's kung fu movie.

I think all of these molds have been used again, Overkill was in that internet exclusive set that Corey Stintson is always mad about, Cobra Commander and General Hawk err I'm sorry GENERAL TOMAHAWK came about again in 2000. Stalker came around again in that super forgettable Tiger Force set looking like some crazy homeless dude with a black jacket and orange Zubaz pants. I guess years of PARTYING and BLITZING take their toll on a guy. Or it was gulf war syndrome.

EVEN MORE absurd filecards from places not America!

2008-12-11T01:00:00.010-07:00

http://98oldsmobiledotgov.blogspot.com/2007/07/absurd-funskool-filecards-caravan-of.html
This is part 2! again we're jacking images from yojoe. THANX E. SON

I guess Sun Ra was big in England, and why did Payload become a terrorist over there?

I like the whole spiel about Australia in brackets. Oh UK you sure are bizarre

Jesus fuck, Muskrat is apparently a guy with unstopping bullets, and the term "Crackhouse" on a filecard

Outside of the name nothing is changed, but it reminded me how awful it was too have a figure named "Skidmark" who was apparently maddenly well groomed

AKA REDBEARD, I hope he still rips jerks off

I like this Snake Eyes better than "MUTE GUY WHO NEVER LOSES"

Translation from yojoe.com Code Name: TNT
FILE NAME: Ted Nicolas Thomas
PRIMARY MILITARY SPECIALITY: Artillery Engineer
SECONDARY MILITARY SPECIALITY:�Explosives deactivator
GRADE:�M-16
He lost his father in Korea's war, victim of a booby trap. This suggested to him his future and as soon as he could he entered G.I. JOE forces, taking this complex specialty. His brave skills have saved many times�the Heroic Commands from traps that could have been deadly.

I like how is grade is a rifle, and his codename is also his initials.

God bless foreign G.I. Joe, your fun and in some ways MORE SERIOUS BUSINESS ARMY GUYZ than Joe fans would actually want

Thats how I escaped my certain fate

2008-12-10T08:07:00.003-07:00

Kill the body and the head will die.

ALL WORLD TOY ROMANCE PART 2

2008-12-08T23:28:00.003-07:00

The sad part is I first stumbled onto the fanfic he's reading in like 2002. There was many more hosted at some site, ranging from GI JOE RAPE FANTASY to bizarre shit like a Tomax/Xamot-Misfits crossover, I wish I could find them again.

ALL WORLD TOY ROMANCE

2008-12-08T05:09:00.002-07:00

Aaaaah yeah baby GI Joe romance coming right the fuck on baby, toys in love, aaaaaaw yeah lets get it on:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1839050/1/Its_Not_What_You_Think

"Several minutes later, Scarlett stirred again, Duke's strong arms still wrapped around her. Not fully awake by any means, she started placing small kisses on his bare chest. Duke, beginning to awake from his sleep, stroked the length of her hair with one hand and placed the other hand gently on Scarlett's cheek. He lowered himself to her level and lightly kissed her lips. To his surprise, Scarlett didn't pull away, but instead, she drew closer to him and returned the kiss.

They ran their arms up and down each other's backs as they continued to kiss, each kiss becoming more and more passionate as time went on. Duke realized his hand went further down Scarlett's back than it should have. He braced himself for some sort of kick or punch and was again shocked that she didn't. "What is it with her? Surely, she hasn't been dreaming of this also," he thought.

Duke eventually found himself on top of Scarlett. He undid her sash and the robe fell open, exposing her. "Oh god... so perfect," Duke muttered very softly. He left a trail of warm, soft kisses as he worked his way down.

Duke became more and more aroused as Scarlett surprisingly encouraged him. He finally forgot about the fraternization regulations, the fact that they were just friends and that she could cause him severe bodily harm if she wanted to. Duke had been so consumed with exploring his partner's body that it took him a while to realize one of his partner's hands had left his back.

Duke moved back up and placed a long, breathtaking kiss on Scarlett's lips. When he couldn't stand it any longer, Duke lifted himself and removed Scarlett's robe so that there was absolutely nothing but air between their bodies.

At just the right, inopportune moment, Scarlett whispered very seductively, "Joey..."

Immediately upon hearing Scarlett whisper another man's name, Duke sprung out of the bed, jumping so high he nearly hit his head on the ceiling fan's blade. "

Awww yea-wait what?

1991 Grunt is still angry

2008-12-03T23:38:00.004-07:00

"Grunt this vest is the best, it helps me dress to impress" "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY VEST

Roadblock's respect of Clutch's property pisses Grunt off

Grunt is angry at the shitty G.I. Joe parking Garage

Grunt is angry at Cliffhangers

Hey guys I made my floor look like Wal-Mart

2008-12-01T14:23:00.004-07:00

At the end of the video he looks like he has a telescope or a camera on a tripod with a telephoto lens, probably for looking into the windows of his neighbors.

Also nasty feet.

Bootlegs

2008-11-30T22:30:00.006-07:00

G.I.Joe was ripped off a lot in the 80's much like how we here at STS get ripped off a lot (Cracked doing a vehicle list, we did that a long time ago. General Hawk becoming a blog pfft we've been one since 1993, Joecustoms)

Here are my 5 favorite bootlegs (Images bootlegged from yojoe!)

THOSE GUYS FROM THE OTHER GALAXY That dio on the back is better than Power Struggle

COMMANDO! some jerks think that the best Anti Terrorist team was Stalker, Hawk, Duke, Flint, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, Roadblock, Shockwave, Countdown, Effects, Crosshair. Well they're jerks and possibly Chinese Communists

The real anti terror heros are: Sea Hank, Scar-Face, Tartar, Captain J.B., Ace, Ram, FOXY, Big Beard, Serpent, Robin, Dove, Grey Hound. They always won and carried suitcases

SAS Micro Force: Mainly because this guy is totally a Red Dog head on a swivel head Footloose torso, with 86 Hawk legs and straight arms.

Unknown Vehicle: These guys even put on a GI *GIANT FUCKING HEAD* Joe sticker on it. I think this is a modified TONKA vehicle. (Yeah I know this is an actual joe vehicle that's the joke!)

this article is like a bootleg it claims "SUPER WINNER GREAT 5 FAVORITE BOOTLEGS" but I only did four!

You in the wrong BLOCK FOR DEM MOVES BOY

2008-11-25T10:32:00.003-07:00

Pathfinder went to buy bread and ended up wandering into the BAD NEIGHBAHOOD and saw Negros dancin' like miniture Tornadas (his words).

Dear jerks

2008-11-24T21:49:00.002-07:00

We're cheap but we've got a board. http://stsforumreview.proboards.com/index.cgi you have too register to post though. (I need to make sure everyone isn't really Dr. Henry E. Miller)

Join and talk about this stuff but in real time. Also POST WHENEVER YOU UPDATE THIS IS A SOMEWHAT G.I. JOE RELATED MESSAGE BOARD AFTER ALL (P.S. GHOSTS Chapter 68 is up now!)

Bolts In Ya Bag/Candy Scam/Wheelin' Readin'

2008-11-24T18:16:00.003-07:00

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=I650Q5OW

A interpretive read of the following post by our favorite manchild:

http://www.joecustoms.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=13060

Should we do this?

2008-11-20T16:33:00.003-07:00

Who Is The Ultimate G.I Joe Fansite blahblahblahTNI

We could totally ice this shit, or at least run as a good spoiler! Like Jello for major in 78.

So STS readers, should we put together a DWEEM TEEM to take on all those established mainstream jerks? Broca Blutch would you like to have a partnership in this shit if we go through with this silly idea?

Just askin'

Knockin' Dr. Henry

2008-11-19T23:04:00.001-07:00

Dear Henry E. Miller, I totally lost my old AIM name and with that lost yours. Please remind me what it is as on the internet scale of fucks too cool dudes your #1 (1. is cool 10. a fuck [BOBBY STEELE]) I can send you any of the following 1. an e-mail I got from a former D.O.A. bassist (NOT DOUBLE U ROY) 2. The first TSOL EP. or 3. A hilarious cover of a Christmas Song by The Misfits with overdubbed Bass and Guitar. e-mail the STS email address with it if you will

Also to any of you cats who read this blog who uses AIM and wants too talk to me and maybe El Doctoroso Henry E. Miller, email your AIM screename too stsfigurereview@gmail..com

What the fuck is up with Iron Grenadiers?

2008-11-16T15:35:00.002-07:00

I've noticed that a lot of Joe fans sure like Iron Grenadiers, but I've got to ask why? No one likes Battle Force 2000, who they were supposed to be enemies with (THANKS LARRY HAMA YOU JUST CAN'T FOLLOW HASBRO CAN YOU?)

I mean they're lead by Destro looking his gayest (Sorry to all you homosexuals, but he wears a gold iron mask and has a fucking cape on) and some dude who looks like Major Bludd just 100 times worse (Magenta suit, a beard almost as bad as Clutch's and his backpack is hella phalic looking) and I assume Dorklon was important, fuck that dude and his ugly ass green costume

The Iron Grenaider himself is okay, not as cool as a Viper or Cobra Soldier, and his weapons are lamer than Sci Fi version 2's. Then they remade him, but instead of being a dude with some Conquistador helmet (Which is odd because Spaniards aren't close too be Spanish) he's got some ugly ass balaclava bolted too his goddamn face, small hands, abnormal height and a helmet that doesn't fit. Fuck Iron Grenaider v2,3,4

Then there was a Convention one with a v1 head on a Night Viper body, someone in the comments section once claimed he was like someone's bad custom. That dude was right!

There was also the Ahnilliator, who was Orange and Purple for some reason, and he had a dumb helicopter backpack thing, I hate this guy because he's not only ugly and a goofy idea, but he's got his boss' face on his dick. That bugs me because it proves Destro has a big ego, and I swear too god I saw that waist used on a Baroness custom, that is hella weird.

TARGAT, I still am not sure on the purpose of this guy, I guess he wasn't sure of himself either. Joined Cobra

Undertow, fuck divers not named "HYDRO VIPER" and what's with the fish?

Iron Anvil I didn't think the idea of an enemy paratrooper was bad, using a goofy mold that is easily identifiable as a Viper is a poor choice, using a fucking Jinx backpack makes me think the Iron Grenaiders were supposed to be the EVILS OF HOMOSEXUALITY instead of the Dreadnoks

Nullifier, what the fuck are you supposed to be? An anteater? an armored mummy? a Cobra-La figure? good? All but that last one could be possible

Ferret. I only recognize the ATV move along

Wild Boar: True Story I had this figure for like ten years but thought he was a bootleg so I got rid of him, I still don't think he's real.

General Mayhem: Hey it's Voltar just with a mold that pisses people off and a glued on helmet. Also a russian, fuck that commie.

Also according to Yojoe.com Rowdy Roddy Piper of pro grapz infamy is an IG. Man couldn't they have gotten a Luchador or Chris Benoit (the dude who iced his family) instead?

Also Overlord and Dr. Mindbender were IG's in Brazil, and I think Overlord's filecard states he was raised by Satanists. Thank you brazil for having the balls Hasbro didn't have.

Yo Down Syndrome!

2008-11-14T12:19:00.002-07:00

That G.I. Joe team really is a great bunch of people. They're willing to give a woman suffering from Down Syndrome a spot on the team, plus they allowed Marvin F. Hinton too change his codename from Bubba.

GI Joe= A Bastion of civil rights.

ps Smash The State will probably be left up but I dunno if it'll have any updates by me unless they're really easy like this, dr henry e miller can do whatever the fuck he wants too, same with tom jacks I don't care that much

FROM THE VAULT!

2008-11-11T19:03:00.005-07:00

Heres something I made before Smash The State debuted on the WORLD WIDE WEB to pretty much entertain me and Mr. Turk, it's a interpretive read of a Thomas Wheeler post about him ranting about children's TV screwing up his VHS tape:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=GR2WU2WY

This blog is boring

2008-11-10T20:47:00.000-07:00

It really is, and I feel has lost some of it's charm. I dunno what the future lies for Smash The State Figure Review but it ain't gonna be bright if it continues to not be fun for me

Just sayin

Callin em' likes I sees thems.

2008-11-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Hey you butts, I know everyone is hating on that lameass site Hisstank for good reason and all, but what about all the other Joe "Hierarchy" sites who are shameless shills for the same four scalper sites that drive up the prices of lameass toys and contribute further to G.I Joe becoming just another backstabbing collectors hobby? Especially one guy from a New England state that posts his drivel on like 8 different identical sites.

The Joe fandom is selling out and becoming stale.

Hey you turkeys!

2008-11-08T00:52:00.000-07:00

Me and Doctor Henry E. Miller are batting around the idea of a legit message board, however I'm cheap and I don't assume iEl Doctor Henry E. Miller! is gonna fork over any of his vast financial holdings so I want to know if there's any actual interest in the: ACTION FIGURES ARE SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS/GUY FROM MISSION OF BURMA'S HEARING DISASTER FORUM-O-RAMA" from you cool cats (Broca Blutch guys, Jaysun, Dan "Delta" Sartain, Zarr Chasm, Stu Wilson, Dude from Norway who reads this blog)

let us know, it's like democracy ya know except instead of voting, it's me making my mind up and claiming I listened to you

Smash The State Makes Amends

2008-11-05T22:58:00.000-07:00

Dear, Broca Blutch I'm totally sorry that your Diorama pimping threat got deleted at Hisstank.policestate.info

Dear Mike "De Aco" Fountain, sorry for e-mailing your webTV e-mail address 20 times asking for an interview

Dear Corey Chump Stinson: Sorry for bringing back those haunting memories of your internet wars with De Aco

Dear readers who've noticed a change in writing styles, I'll totally review 1983 Airborne again

Dear Cobra Cabana sorry for totally not giving you credit for the inspiration of this blog. Smash The State was born out of me reading that at 3AM

Dear Thomas Wheeler, we're sorry that you have to be Thomas Wheeler

Dear Nien Nunb I am sorry I called you a "Space ching chong" and claimed that you fucked up the Falcon in ROTJ

Dear Lando Calrissian, I'm sorry that I just apologized to that Space Chinaman. Fuck that jerk and his radar dish fucking up abilities

Dear Tom Jacks Esq, You're fired

Dear Zarr Chasm, you should totally write for us p.s. are you also common tator I'll tell you Tom Jacks' more recognizeable joe name if you are

Dear Illinois State Police thanks for arresting lawbreakers and putting them in jail for Felonies and Misdemanors

2008-11-04T21:35:00.000-07:00

1991 Grunt is an Angry Man

2008-11-04T12:59:00.000-07:00

Yikes 2 content posts in one day, expect a Tag list soon!

Grunt hates himself

Grunt Hates better Smash The State mascots

Grunt Hates Ninjas

Grunt wants you to vote for who he tells you

Strange Rumblings In Middle Island

2008-11-04T12:38:00.000-07:00

Today I had to get some items on the way back from talkin' serious shit so I stopped into the land of lost children (Middle Island NY Wal-Mart) because fuck it was on the way home. After wandering through the new AC/DC corporate selling out of rock and roll section I somehow ended up in the Joe isle (Muscle memory reflex from my dark dayz) and came across this shit right here:

Yeah thats right, headless LONZO right from the factory, thats some straight racist bullshit right there, all the white folk in the box had they heads attached. Thats some ol' bullshit.

Then on the way to the parking lot, I found a car (a 2001 VW Jetta with no hub-caps) with a plate that makes no atempt at hiding the fact I never want to meet the owner:

Then I left quickly in my car (my cars name is flapjack) then went to friendlys and got a milkshake then voted for a black dude.

HELL YEAH

FIGURE SWAPPING!

2008-11-04T05:46:00.001-07:00

I've never seen anything thats pissed off lameass nerds this much since paintwipes:

"I wish nothing but the worst life has to offer for this fool and any other who pulls this kind of BS. I really hope they suffer untold misery throughout the rest of their pathetic lives."

TOYS ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS YOU UNDERSTAND DON'T FUCK WITH TOYS I HAVEN'T BOUGHT!

I bet these people also have strong opinions on the 90's batman movies, anime and eat Hamburger Helper 3 times a week.

Fucking nerds.

The most important air battle in G.I Joe history

2008-11-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

I like how the one black kid is just standing there twirling the Rattler around, those two other kids are some racist jerks, I bet they made him play with the Buzz Boar while they had the Terrordrome and re-enacted softcore porn movies with the Baroness and Barbecue.

Also you can take down a Rattler by flying directly above it.

Reasons why we stay be hatin' on the 25th, yo.

2008-11-01T22:13:00.000-06:00

We pretty much question every thing Hasbro does nowadays and hate (hate bloggers whoooah) on the 25th nonstop, but me and J. Turk have good reasons, so we'll list them for youse guys:

- Fake collector frenzy: For years G.I Joe was free of chase figures and variants and thats one of the reasons the hobby was great, now every wave has some bullshit that nerds get all sweaty about and stores that get shamelessly promoted on websites with dwindling content sell for insane markup. It hurts the hobby in the worst way, but it does give people we don't like reasons to be upset so maybe it's not such a bad thing.

- Figures that can't move worth a shit: Seriously, if we had action figures that could move and sit and hold guns 20 fucking years ago, why don't we now?

- Nothing original: Yeah it's cool some things like a cobra trooper never really change, but now there just making the same figures they made in the 80's and instead of improving them, they look like shit and have problems mentioned above.

- Johnny come lately: I DON'T LIKE RAH BECAUSE THEY CAN'T MOVE IN THE GODDAMNED CHEST REALISTIC MILITARY CRACKS IN THE UPPER BODY

- Shitty plastic: I don't really care if your gonna charge 10 bucks for a single packed figure, but maybe you shouldn't make them out of shit that feels like hollow plastic.

- Reusing molds to get as many figures on the market and flood it: Battle Armor Cobra Commander and the Iron Grenadier totally shop at the same armor store rite guyz. Seriously I can't even tell some of these figures apart, that shit flew in 1982 but it's 2008, who the fuck cares about getting Cutter anyway?

- Keeping making the same 8 characters in every wave - I don't collect Star Wars figures because they don't pose for shit and they make like 190 Chewbaccas a year why the fuck would I want the same in G.I Joe

- Listening to idiot collectors - This is the reason we have asshole chase figures and boring army builder repaint packs, not to mention nothing original and just the same shit over and over and over. Change hurts if you're a Joe fan I guess.

- Inferior body style - Seriously, for 25 years you had the perfect formula for a 4 inch tall action figure then you go and pay tribute to them by discarding the best template for a toy ever and replacing them with stuff that feels and looks like a knockoff or some overpriced japanese import toy. Thats like forming a Flipper cover band and then playing your instruments in tune and not doing lots of drugs.

So theres the reasons we don't like this 25th nonsense. If you don't like it go jump off the Moodna Viaduct!

An awful G.I Joe cosplay spooktacluar!

2008-10-31T16:34:00.000-06:00

Well since it's like the best holiday of the year (fuck you Columbus day!) and the one time of year it's not totally socially unacceptable to dress up as a cartoon character. Here at Smash The State we are gonna take another special look at weirdos who do it the other 364 days of the year!

Remember folks, it's never cool to dress you and your homely looking wife/girlfriend up as a cartoon character!

And to all you neckbeards, we got your money in our hands!

2008-10-30T14:20:00.000-06:00

No you see, it's worth a lot of money because it's in a clear plastic box and has a sticker on it that was put there by an ACTION FIGURE ATHORITY it's not a toy it's an investment item!

Just once I wish I was some rich jerk, I'd buy all of those and smash the cases and open the figures. Remember when G.I Joe's we're just some toys we bought at dusty tables in flea markets?

This is a terrible hobby now.

G.I. Joe comix

2008-10-28T22:57:00.000-06:00

I just realized that with the new G.I. Joe continuity coming like 25 years of the good the bad and the awful shit with the comics are over. I guess life is a carnival and I'm gonna explain what I sorta remember about them.

Issues #1-20: The best written shit I sorta remember, showed how hacky Hama was after he killed off Kwinn, Scarface, that jerk in the shades and Dr. Venom. Clutch was good though.

Issues #21-whenever the fuck they invaded Springfield. Yeah SILENCE! Ripcord doing stuff, Scrap Iron killing a goddamn old fat guy with a rocket, Serpentor!

After what I described until the Civil War: Can't remember anything!

The Cobra Civil war; There was one panel with a televiper with a bullet hole in his helmet. That was cool, so was Short Fuse showing up.

The first like 15 issues of the 100's, Jerks got killed finally, including homoerotic scientists, Breaker showing up and dying, Steeler showing up out of fucking nowhere!

The rest of the Marvel run: Stupid shit, drug dealers, Eco Force, Mindbender refrences cheers, Transformers, Wade Collins' kid, Quick Kick cameo, I don't read this stuff like a schmo!

DDP/Image: Hey guys let's draw everyone the same! let's make shitty refrences to the cartoon, let's kill off characters, let's re do stuff just worse, Let's totally rush the last thing and call it World War 3... Well fuck that shit, the only media related World War 3 I'll deal with is:

The Baddest Card (not) On E-Bay!

2008-10-28T22:36:00.000-06:00

Johnny Turk Is Gonna Buy This And Hang It Up In His House

Nostalgia For An Age That Never Existed

2008-10-28T17:42:00.001-06:00

Thats right, 25th anniversary versions of figures that came out...3 years ago? Are we supposed to get sappy about the stuff that ruined G.I Joe? Knock Offs of Knock Offs?

Is there a chase version of duke with a goddamned button sticking out of his ass?

SPONSORSHIP NEWZ

2008-10-27T14:00:00.000-06:00

BIG BAD SNAKE OIL SALESMEN ARE HAVING A SALE ON GAY VARIANTS YOU SHOULDN'T BUY OR ENABLE!

!~RARE~! CHASE VARIANT OF BREAKER WITH THE BUBBLEGUM BUBBLE THAT DOESN'T FULLY FIT INTO HIS GODDAMNED HEAD IS MARKED DOWN FROM $54.45 TO $53.00 FOR THIS WEEK ONLY!

And at SMALLSMHOES.COM we are having a sale on SERIOUS MILITARY MODELS that are made out of FAULTY MATERIALS and cost $80.00 a goddamned unit, but buy them so you can spend your middle-management tech support dollars and have a serious business shelf of nazi war criminals!

ANNND don't forget the Brains Toyuz Newsletter #267, they are having a sale on some lameass transformers toys and TOYS R US EXCLUSIVE extreme conditions set they sent their intern out to buy out from under every store in the area!

This Post was written by Shameless Shill Jushin on October 15th 2006

Posted Under: Excuses For Content, Give Your Money Away To Feed The Machine, Moderating Every Forum

INTERNET GANG WARZ

2008-10-26T21:19:00.000-06:00

Ya know what's funny, nerds getting angry about stupid shit. The latest debacle of retardedness is that Hisstank.com doesn't want people coming and going "LOL CHECK THIS OUT @ TNI" which is kinda retarded but doesn't actually strike me as such a douchebag move as it's being made out too be. Hisstank is not on Smash The State's list of "Cool sites that aren't run by jerks" because that list is the link section, and The Cobra Cabana and that messageboard Felix De Cobra runs. However I do recognize that it's awesome at hiding the fact that it's got no content. I mean you can say it's a newz site. What the fuck does joebattlelines offer?

Anyways I wonder if the usual suspects who spam "CHEK OUT THIS THRILLING SUCH AND SUCH" at every website who seem so goddamn upset over this are gonna stop whoring their shit their. I sincerley doubt it.

G.I. Joe fandom personality templates

2008-10-24T23:57:00.000-06:00

I'm sure I've probably said this like 4 times already (There's atleast 2 posts in which the "golden year" of 1985 is disected, but hey fuck you) but there's nothing I've got planned too yell about at this moment, oh and if we remember we're gonna spam the Joe Movie ending the day it comes out PLEASE REMIND US. Anyways there are like 8 types of jerks who are involved in G.I. Joe

1. Guy who is really positive. For some reason these types always do reviews, and they always skip a figures faults, yet they're never called out for it. Yeah well I don't care that you don't think you should mention poor paint masks and that your Comic Pack Falcon's joints are frozen because "Well everyone should be used too them by now" I don't remember my Duke having his goddamn forehead be yellow because machines twenty five years ago could do their damn job.

2. The Overly negative. These guys have two types: Wicked sick cats like me and Dr. Henry E. Miller and most of you dudes reading this (Except the Broca Blutch guys if they're even alive, mainly because you cats gave effort, real negative cats are lethargic and like the Dictators we steal really common stuff but totally change it a bit)

The other type is someone who bitches about every thing, yet never get any grief for it, those guys are pussies.

3. Bullshit Action Figure Authorities. These are dudes who people listen too mainly because they write their stuff out like they know what their talking about, however they never actually spout out anything requiring proof. Pretty much it's dudes spouting their opinions like they're facts but they're smart enough to not say anything that could be disproven.

4. Actual Authorities. Sometimes these dudes are cool and say things of importance, sometimes they're personality is also mixed with something else (like Really postive guy) and then you have too ignore them. I don't have any problems with some of these guys since one dude once told me that one of the comic packs was gonna have Dragonosky and the other two Ruskies no one likes

5. Guy who integrates all sorts of 1:18 scale REALISM bullshit, these dudes tend to be from places that aren't North America (Except Norway that place is rockin' because one dude from their comes here, we love you mysterious Norway homie) and just post pictures.

6. Dudes who love god. A LOT. In the Pat Robertson vein not the John Rydgren vein, Usually involves customs of Ministers or JESUS TREE FORTS WITH FLAK CANNONS TOO KILL FAGGOTS, ACTIVIST JUDGES AND KOREANS

7. I dunno you cats are pretty great so, SMASH THE STATE fans. Number 1 group of Joe fans too not marry the first chick who gave them a handjob.

8. Rednecks, some how people in the States have been so dumbed down they write things like this: "yap ran out of room cause i have so many differnt line of toy some complete some not."

So yes, I think I was probably reaching after the first paragraph but I figure you guys should jump in a lake!

G.I Joe got better once I discovered drugs

2008-10-24T11:01:00.001-06:00

The early 90's we're awesome if you had no job, hung out on your couch and dig bong hits on a Saturday morning. Fuck you neckbeards, the 90's we're great if you took nothing seriously. This was before you we're supposed to take G.I Joe as a COLLECTORS TOYLINE THAT EVOKES NOSTALGIA, this was back when it was some shit you played with as a kid and now watched ironically because you had nothing better to do in between waking up and driving around town in a beat up car.

Stupid Shit FROM THE PAST

2008-10-23T20:05:00.000-06:00

Johnny Turk was gonna post this but he's busy scoping out the Serbian Punk scene for bands for our puppet record label, also he has to appear in court in Wyoming for defacing a statue:

For a lark, I decided that it was time for another Stupid things said this week, however I looked at the google group and decided it was instead time for “Stupid things said like 8 goddamn years ago”

Starting it off is a star of most of our tags, complaining about someone saying his custom had paint wipes “I fail to see any reasonable comparison between what Hasbro is doing and a
long-ago customized figure which I did for the sheer absurdity of it (or so I thought).
Nor do I appreciate being mocked over a matter which is of legitimate concern  to a number of collectors. It's juvenile minds such as yours that are ruining this hobbyI fail to see any reasonable comparison between what Hasbro is doing and a long-ago customized figure which I did for the sheer absurdity of it (or so I thought). Nor do I appreciate being mocked over a matter which is of legitimate concern to a number of collectors. It's juvenile minds such as yours that are ruining this hobby”

Man I miss the wildwest days of the internet, harassment between nerds on Ebay of all places: “Mike Fountain operates under any/all of the following eBay user IDs.  Do not be fooled by his feedback ratings. This individual is a  hateful, foul-mouthed, malicious liar.

De-Aco  *untouchable*  *brown-eyes*  the-baddest!

He has a number of idiot friends which he lists on his "About Me" eBay  page. These individuals will conspire to win an eBay auction  (typically GI Joe), which is fair enough, but they never fail to send  some of the rudest, juvenile taunts to the losing bidder(s) or  sometimes to some or all auction participants before the auction  closes. They also frequently pad each other's feedback ratings and  perform questionable bidding practices within each other's auctions.”

Holy fuck, I forgot people used too take Steel Brigade seriously at one point: “I'm sorry to be reading this and to know such tactics happen in the JOE World of Collectors. That's probably one of the reasons I stay off of Ebay. I checked out this guys page and saw he has it out for Commander Lane himself (what a shock)!!! When I asked Dave about it - he told me the story of how this guy bullies other bidders and people are afraid to bid against him and his group. Seems the Commander has spared no expense to put this guy down and beat him at his own game. Now he's out for revenge....what drama, can't we all just get along!”

Man I wish Mike Fountain was still using the Internet (from his Televison):

“All that Corey is intrested in is money. A while back alot of Joe  collectors on Ebay were getting the Happy99 virus. I asked Corey to put  up some type of warning or information about it. Corey replied, "most  people cannot afford my services." Like he is god or something... Corey  you are a legend in your own mind. As far as I care, Corey you can post  on and on about me. It shows that you are always thinking of me. We will  call it, "The Story Of Mike "De-Aco" Fountain, Though The Eyes Of Corey  Stinson". Write on Corey, see what other meaningless stuff you can  write, I think you are out of ideas, but I hope you can come up with  something. It really does not matter because your words are nothing”

Fuck, I wish that was on Youtube. Seriously, I would love too see a newscast involving Wheeler’s collection and threat of no 3/34 inch joes on the net “I've taken this to the media! I was able to get a local newscast to cover my collection AND the present problem. One of the local newspapers may do likewise”

Okay this was only 3 years ago but still, who the fuck is on AOL by choice (by choice I mean not using those 3 months free CD’s that they probably don’t make anymore) “I just got a notice that the AOL Newsgroup service will be discontinued in early 2005. " For members using AOL over a dial up connection, you will no longer be able to access Newsgroups"....sigh....They also said to try Google-but that doesn't work for me either... So I guess the party is over for me here. It's a shame too as I LOVED this site and had fun buying, selling and trading with everyone here. I've been having trouble lately getting on here and then seeing any new posts. I won't even know if this post will make it on-but I hope so.”

I think I found the first incident of a jerk using Gristle with Alley Vipers: “ But Undertow is a unique figure too, I'll be using him as the Eel commader, like Gristle is to the Alley-Vipers.”

Man really fucking creepy people have been on the joe scene for years here’s someones favorite card/box art: “Counting down...

8. Scarlett ver. 2  7. Lady Jaye  6. Chun-Li (notice a pattern?)  5. Zarana  4. Wolverine Missile Tank  3. Scarlett ver. 1  2. Glenda  and finally  1. Baroness”

Well I’m bored of this shit now so enjoy what you got, and don’t complain half assed Stupid Things Said this week is a lot better than no Stupid shit said this week. SUPPORT THE SMASH THE STATE PARTY LINE U GUYZ

The greatest dio stories ever made

2008-10-21T21:57:00.001-06:00

Thanks/blame lies on the lastbestangryman for showing this wonderful work of action figure fiction to us.

One step forward, 25 steps backwards.

2008-10-21T09:20:00.001-06:00

Aahahah what the fuck is this thing supposed to be? TRACKED COMBAT EGG?

I mean the one and only thing I give Hasbro credit for these days is the vehicles, they have done some nice remolding and redecos to classic molds. Even though I have no reason to buy them they do look nice, but of course in true Hasbro fashion they are going to ruin the only thing they have going for them. That thing looks worse then one of those Champ-Mei DINO ADVENTURE-COP-FIREMAN-HUNTERGATHERER-ADVENTURE or whatever the hell they are branded as toys. Thats worse then the JvC Tonka Truck vehicles we got for a while for fucks sake. I guess G.I Joe is going back to knockoff quality instead of slightly above knockoff quality for 2009 and that terrible movie.

Oh and Hisstank, fuck your doo-rag.

Questions get answered and shit

2008-10-20T12:19:00.000-06:00

Smash the State Figure Review, ya know the best website on the internet (aside from the Cobra Cabana) has an in at Hasbro (Dr. Henry E. Miller's cousin is married to the secretary of the guy who says "right on boss" at all the meetings) and so we get are Q's A'd or something.

1. Eh yo Hasbro what was a better album Gordon Lightfoot's Sundown or Rank and File's Sundown?

Well we're very excited about the premise of both albums but we have no plans too support Rank and File's due too their connection too "wishing cops were all dead" Nor can we reveal any insight on Canadian matters at this time

2. What's with Ripcord being black, you should realize that Joe fans A. dislike change and B. dislike something else, fill in the blanks we got enough lawsuits already

While we know many of our fans are upset about this change, we don't feel we can release specific information about race demographics, wait until the movie too learn more!

3.Why don't you give Smash The State the collectors club license, we're totally cool guys

We'll have too look into that one but there is no offical word on that yet

4. Who would win in a fight, Dracula or Jesus?

There is no plan to do anything but make G.I. Joe a Top-Tier brand

5. Did I make a good trade of the following "3 MOC Star Brigade Astro Vipers and a copy of Out of the Blue" for The Child Molesters first single and a bottle of Jack Daniels in 1994?

Absolutley G.I. Joe's aren't worth any cultural significance, that amazing cover of DON'T WORRY KYOKO should be in the smithsonian, however you should have hit your trading partner with a bottle of JD and taken back that ELO album back it's got Turn too Stone!

Hello Ladies

2008-10-19T12:58:00.001-06:00

That guy looks like my old landlord, shit, he probably IS my old landlord.

Dressing up as G.I Joe's is never a good idea folks, don't do it. You embarrass us all. Yeah I know considering what "hobby" this is thats kind of an empty statement, but please don't dress up as fucking action figures, unless you're my old landlord.

Things I've Learned

2008-10-17T19:31:00.000-06:00

Stuff I've learned about G.I Joe Since 2007:

- Action figures don't need to have the same range of movement as they did in 1983 because HASBRO IS LISTENING TO THE FANS THIS TIME

- It's totally alright if you string along people into thinking that paying like 80 bucks for a tank everyone knows is not coming is perfectly fine.

- Chase variants are totally gay

- Finally the worst elements of toy collecting have enveloped Joe.

- There really isn't any limit on how many times you can repaint that lameass 25th trooper mold, theres been what, like 30 now?

- Nuclear War is a motherfucker

- People still make awful customs and Dios

- People made better customs in 1998 then they do now

- That its possible to write the same four reviews for every new wave of figures that comes out and still be praised for it.

- That Mike Fountains WebTV E-mail address has expired. Damn!

- That the BADDEST MAN ON E-MAIL trolled Corey Stintson with his television.

- That Smash The State Never Loses

How To Post on a G.I. Joe message board

2008-10-17T11:43:00.000-06:00

1. Always agree with everything someone else says. G.I. Joe fans are childish and dislike those with different opinions

2.Post the exact same message at every other G.I. Joe message board. Other websites need too know that your website that's based on celebrating custom action figures is having a celebration about custom action figures. Or maybe you want hits for dio story of a bad computer generated chick fingerbanging herself on a VAMP*

3.Make a poll about something. Jerks love polls, they get too see everyone thinks the way they do, there's probably been about 900 "which army builder pack do u want?" polls since 1998.

4.Use a shitty joke that wasn't funny 6 years ago.

5.If someone is respected for something, you have too claim they're "the god of whatever it is" Are you good at making shitty playsets out of foamcore? well your not as good as some old dude who using really bad techniques makes things that look more cluttered and embarassing than a grandma's miniture hutch. Did you do a real cool dio story (is that possible?) Well you probably won't get the kudos you deserve because you didn't make a boring one about god, or drag out Hit And Run being in prison for like 4 fucking years.

6.Talk like G.I. Joe is a socially respectable hobby. Don't make mention of a cashier giving you a dirty look for buying toys, unless you think she's a liberal. Then call her a cunt and make a joke about Big Brawler

7.If you run a site, beg for money. Who cares if your a republican and belive in asking for a hand up not a hand out, you need to wear a kilt. Who cares if it's not even one that makes you look like your proud of your heritage and instead makes you look like a goddamn tourist, you've got all sorts of nerds paying for it!

8.Make weird comments that allude too you jerking off to pictures of Covergirl or something

There's probably more but fuck I rarely post on message boards nowadays, mainly because I tend not too follow point 1. oh well, if you think of them let us know!

*I totally didn't make that joke up. Thanks too the rad dude who made joke too me, Your a good guy!

Hay guyz

2008-10-16T16:29:00.000-06:00

Hey guys Johnny Turk totally needs to buy a t-shirt with the Max Rebo Band on it that was bootlegged by a Chinaman in the loft of a garage but since we are so busy spending the mad money we make doing Smash The State (we be owned by a Russian holding company called DUFFOSKTOCK) we figure you guys could buy it for him since we love to take advantage of the people who read our site and indulge in position of power and idol worship upon ourselves.

Wait no we don't, we don't even believe in money or clothes ANARCHY MAN.

Anyway, to our readers, when some dork on a website looks for a handout for some unimportant reason such as a skirt thats has cargo-pants pockets or a brand new bottom of the line camera that has TOTALLY ADVANCED FEATURES SUCH AS A LENS say "no" and instead spend your money on awesome stuff like albums and illegal bootlegs of the Star Wars films.

Smash The State doesn't need ya money, we do this for the love of making fun of things we don't like and a way to slip in jokes about music into tags. Besides only like 15 awesome dudes and Johnny Turks wife read this (because we spam her e-mail every day) and that would only get us enough money to buy a pack of beef jerky and 2 tallboys. So what the fuck I guess we have to just be awesome guys instead.

Important moments in G.I Joe History

2008-10-16T00:09:00.001-06:00

Cobra really never stood a chance once G.I Joe got a guy who can float-tackle like 18 guys at once. I mean how do you counter-attack against that guy. Plus hes got a football on a chain, I think it's because he kept losing them though, not for zonking terrorists on the forehead. I think The Fridge thought they we're giving away a real fridge thats why hes so excited.

Dio Story Do's And Don'ts

2008-10-14T23:09:00.001-06:00

Well, being better than everybody at everything I figured I should let you jerk-a-trons who don't read this blog but totally make bad dio stories in on hints and tips!

Don't: Make all of your sets out of Foamcore and print outs, you look like a jerk

Do: Make a story with jokes about Scottie Pippen

Don't: Have Clutch speak like a fucking hick. Just because Sunbow doesn't realize that New Jersey isn't beside Tennesee doesn't mean you have to have Clutch Say "Beggin yer pardin'"

Do: Take pictures of your toys in decent poses

Don't: Take pictures of your toys with their arms behind their back in a chair too suggest they're tied up yet not have them tied up. Joe fans aren't that dumb

Do: Make comments about Smash The State being better than everything

Don't: Post the exact same post on 4 sites pimping your stupid dio. Unless it reads like "LISTEN HERE JERKS READ THIS: http://didn'titrain.biz/dio/General_Hawk_Should_Stop_chapter1"

Do: Use the Paralyzer

Don't: Stick all of your playsets in the sand and claim it's a "Pre Fab base where that gay dude with the orange hardhat was all "eh yo put those 83 HQ walls over there to cover the back. Don't forget too build the chapel. Without electricty we need god"

Do: Not make a dio

Don't:Use awful customs

Do: Listen to me

Don't: Make dio stories that read like Earth A.D./Wolfsblood

Don't: Say "The government made a giant underground bunker for the joes where they can just totally have a goddamn Mobile Battle Bunker sit their all open and shit. Seriously that bunker would be like 400 goddamn feet down. Seriously the government ain't gonna waste like 12 billion dollars making something that looks like your fucking garage"

Do: Ask me for refrences of these happening in real dio stories. I do name names when asked, Smash The State never loses!

BIG BAD SNAKE OIL SALESMEN

2008-10-14T22:50:00.000-06:00

http://www.bigbadtoystore.com/bbts/product.aspx?product=HAS16275&mode=retail

Yes they want 30 bucks, almost 40 dollars shipped for a action figure you can't even reasonably play with, but you see these aren't children's toys they are ADULT COLLECTIBLES! So you gotta get ready to pay THE BIG BUCKS! Of course you gotta give these hard earned minimum wage bucks to the one place that has almost single handedly turned G.I Joe collecting into a terrible cesspool of inflated prices and angry nerds tossing money hand over hamfist at the snake oil salesmen peddling these mass produced "rare" goods.

Too bad I didn't buy the one I saw in the toy rack at a Stop And Shop for 6 bucks, I coulda made enough money to go see a movie and buy dinner at Wendys! Or enough to fill a quarter of the tank on my Dodge Challenger so I could've done a sweet ass burnout on the lawns of people with McCain/Palin signs, and just crashed right into the one house with the Ron Paul sign.

Wiggity-Weak!

Undeniable G.I Joe Fun Facts!

2008-10-13T01:19:00.000-06:00

These are true and you can't refute them!

1. G.I Joe Tattoos are not cool, if you have one your a goddamned asshole prick.

2. The D.I.C cartoon is the definite basis of all G.I Joe canon, or it should be.

3. Cutters favorite band is Blues Traveler, this makes Cutter a goddamned jerk.

4. 2001 is the best G.I Joe year since the 80's.

5. Hasbro should not listen to the fans

6. Investment Merchandise is lame, instead of lame ass cutesy children's toys we should have figures that don't suck.

7. Duke watches the 700 club, what a fag.

8. The Dils are great, thats not a G.I Joe fact but its true.

9. Destros Dominator is the most useless thing ever made with the Joe name on it.

10. Big Brawler is the lamest joke ever and it's continued overuse by a group of idiots goes to prove joe fans cannot ever come up with anything new and original.

11. Asking for handouts on your website about toys is about the lamest thing you could ever do.

12. Action figures should have the same range of movement they had in 1985.

13. Devils Due is the Live At Bukokan of G.I Joe, meaning it's terrible and ruined old things that didn't suck so bad.

14. Theres only like 3 G.I Joe sites worth a damn, and two of them are Smash The State and Broca Blutch. I don't know what the third one is, but 3 is a good number and gives me hope for this terrible fandom.

15. Dio Stories are usually completely awful.

16. Johnny Turk traded 4 HAVOCS for a Casio Keyboard and a copy of Lives In The Balance on tape.

17. Smash The State is the most important website about stupid action figures ever!

Dear G.I. Joe fans...

2008-10-11T20:45:00.000-06:00

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Thanks too Last Best Angry Man I have now seen a dio story worse than those ones about god and bad Grand Slam customs. Mainly because it's about Werewolves, murder and poorly computer rendered bitches. It's like a song written by Glenn Danzig, except without great melodies and was made by probably a bigger jerk

"SLURP SLURP" indeed

Okay what the fuck?

I don't know what's worse the fact someone made this, or the fact decided the scantily clad woman should lose her clothing during decapitation.

Well that was something I never wanted too see but I did, and it was god awful. Fuck you whoever made this

VACATION 08

2008-10-05T18:40:00.000-06:00

Me and Johnny Wilks Turk are mad burnt out after writing about people we don't like almost daily for like 3 months so we're gonna be cool guys and take a break before we become jerks who don't write anything good and not know when to stop, because we'd probably have to move to New England for that to happen, and fuck that place. So Smash The State is going on vacation for a little while, in the mean time you can read Broca Fucking Blutch or Buy This Guys Records

We'll be back to posting about how much we hate jerks sooner then later though, because jerks will be jerks.

Someones gonna pay like 13 bucks for this

2008-10-02T19:48:00.001-06:00

I really hope that pump is included to help neckbeards breathe after it hits them they spent like 10-13 bones on a figure that has less joint movements then the Han Solo figure from like 1978. How useful is a giant fucking pump in battle, is deep-six supposed to jump up and down on it and ruffle some papers Cobra has or blow wind in there faces so they get all uncomfortable? This crazyass jerk is also packaged with a Rock N Roll that can accually move his damn arms so hes weighing down a figure with an inferior body style but is a cool dude, so fuck this guy!

Economic Crisis M-m-m-megapost! (accually this shit is about the DIC cartoon)

2008-10-01T19:06:00.000-06:00

Even Cobra cannot escape monetary problems! SIGN OF THE TIMES? Nah this shit was like 1992, Resolute could never even hope to be as brilliant as the DIC cartoon. Unless the Resolute intro has Heavy Duty ELBOW DROPPING THE FUCKING WATER:

Cartoons about toys are pretty lame anyway but back in the early 90's when I had no job I'd get up on Saturday mornings, smoke a few joints and watch the DIC cartoon, so that makes it better then the Sunbow one by default.

2001 NEVAR FORGET

2008-09-30T19:01:00.000-06:00

For some reason Google made a verison of there search engine that only gets results from 2001 and earlier, so I looked up "G.I JOE" in this time warp voodoo machine:

Yup, the second result is a goddamned sporting goods store that shows up before Yo Joe.

I like this a lot better then 2008!

LET'S STEAL CABLE

2008-09-30T02:09:00.001-06:00

THIS IS AN EXPERIMENT

2008-09-28T23:41:00.000-06:00

SO WHAT THE FUCK

Jerks are always sayin' stuff

2008-09-28T18:49:00.000-06:00

Greetings folks, I had free time and decided it's that time again for stupid shit said this week:

Maybe instead of getting your battle barge caught in the reeds making you settle you should concentrate on something productive: "Airtight and Cobra Officer for $28.99
Outback and Night Viper for $28.99
Munitia, Lt. Flacon and Python Copperhead for $40.99
Yeah, it's a little steep. (ok, it's VERY steep!) but if you're a 25th hater like me, it's what you have to work with."

Hmm: "It would be funny if he had a high altitude sky dive mask on the first half of the movie when he flirts with her, then when she finally sees him she can say "oh i thought you were a wight guy"

Hmm, "skin color like everyone else's skin" is even more racist than the last one: "I have always wondered. Does Destro have on a yellow shirt under his black suite or is that supposed to be his bare chest? And if it is his bare chest why the heck is it yellow and not skin color like everyone else’s skin? What's the deal, yellow shirt or yellow skin?"

Yeah fuck education!: "Definitely agree on the "back to school" issue, and I haven't set foot in a school in about thirty years. But I hated it that much. How much do I still hate it? In my opinion, setting up a back to school department in the average Target or Wal-Mart -- IN EARLY JULY -- RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOY SECTION -- should be tantamount to child abuse."

DOES NOT COMPUTE: Only good stuff. Mainly Metal as it gives me the rage to hate on all the lesser crappier music such as punk and emo and mainstream (c)rap.

People like this rule, it's only jackaninny's who get upset by people caring about their health or if you like movies that suck or if you have a bad hobby: "-People who WILL NOT let you enjoy anything: Eating your favorite food? They'll come up and tell you how many calories are in it. Watching your favorite movie? They'll sit there picking out all of the inconsistencies. Enjoying your new toy purchase? They'll start in about the "ten year old Chinese kids working in a factory." And I'm not talking about people who might do something like this once in awhile, I'm talking about the people who really do seem to get some sadistic pleasure out of trying to ruin everyone's enjoyment of everything. I'm sorry you're unhappy in life, but STFU."

Well that's it, racism, hatred of the education system, jerks who let people get to them, awful taste in music, awful taste in action figures. We laughed nerds cried, all was right with the universe

Smash The State at the movies part three!

2008-09-28T01:32:00.000-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ohFLSFGr5I

"I have the AIDS cure"

"There is no mircle AIDS cure!"

Thanks to Common Tater for bringing this extremely creepy looking piece of SVHS cinema to our attention.

This is something like softcore porn, crossed with REALLY BAD DRUGS and a George Clinton record, only it ends up not as great as those three things. This video reminds me of the time me and Johnny Turk spent a night in a field with a a propane tank, a Gang Of Four record and a confused Chinese chimney sweep.

Joe sites summarized

2008-09-26T18:30:00.000-06:00

Well I figure it's time to give any of you cats who've never visted other sites a quick synopsis of other joe related websites (remember Smash The State is the best though!)

Joecustoms: used to be decent, now full of self important dudes

Joedios: Decent but 90% of the pictures posted feature the following: Urban scenes, night scenes, Major Bludd being a bad ass, could use some other stuff

Joebattlelines: I think this spawned out of the Sgt. Savage dude's shit. That dude was hilarious as he totally called himself "Brian Savage" to confuse fucking idiots into thinking he was the Joe convention guy. Instead he was DD's MILITARY ADVISOR, and we all know how good DD's comic run was (not good at all)

Hisstank: GUYS THEY QUOTED US LET'S TOTALLY BAN THE GUY WHO DIDN'T HAVE A FUCKING THING TO DO WITH ALL THOSE QUOTES

Yojoe.com: outdated archive, messageboard with usefulness if your looking to buy junk and not swear

Broca Blutch: The best site by undercover communists, also funnier than Smash The State but worse at intermural hockey

That one site with the bible thumping Dio: That site sucks 83 Grunts with camo aren't totally bad ass dude

Generalsjoes: Revolutionary Dio Stories (in 2001)

TheJoeIndex: Imagine yojoe.com with a stupider design

QKTheatre: Not online anymore!

If there's more let me know I'm tired and don't wanna write anymore (fucking Dr. Henry E. Miller and his "Dude I'm not writing an article till you pay me for those percosets" rule)

MAJOR BLUDD'S FIRST ALBUM

2008-09-23T23:21:00.000-06:00

In the late 80's after ruining his career as a mercenary, Major Bludd decided "SHIT MATE BEST GO BACK TO THE SONNET BUSINESS AYE" I am the proud owner of the only surviving copy here it is

Tracklist:
1.Empty Uzi Blues
2.Colonel Gadaffi owes me 670 bucks
3.Stars and Stripes of Corruption
4.Variations On The Bruce Foxton Experimental haircut machine (instrumental)
5.Sydney Street Shooting Incident
6.I Shot JFK
7.Pawn Shop Gun
8.Cobra Commander I'm Sorry
9.I shot Reagan (reprise)

More terrible joe fan movies

2008-09-23T14:49:00.000-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcDxJu28Ch8

I really wish the comedies I shot on SVHS in high school video class we're as entertaining as this.

Backyard hand to hand combat!

What the fuck?

2008-09-22T19:57:00.000-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTIQVdxmyEI

I figured it would be at least six or seven more years before handi-cam shot GI Joe themed softcore porn would start emerging. I guess my calculations we're all off, I'm gonna have to amend my "GI JOE FANDOM SLIPPERY SLOPE TO BEING AS HORRIBLE AS STAR-TREK" chart now.

I was gonna make a post about stupid merchandise

2008-09-22T15:08:00.000-06:00

But that wouldn't have been as great as this:

...OOOH WE BETTER RUN

RUN INTO THE MYSTIC NIGHT

RUN UNTIL THEY TAKE US AWAY

TAKE US AWAY

BIG TROUBLE

IN LITTLE CHINNNAAAAH

Merchandizing motherfucker!

2008-09-21T21:49:00.000-06:00

There was a time when G.I. Joe figures were like 3 bucks and there were all sorts of other crummy stuff with the joe name on it. I'm sure most of us probably had something all these images were jacked up from YoJoe.com we're hosting them ourselves though so don't step son

G.I. Joe pinball: This thing was great my friend Bert had it, and I wanted it because it had a bad ass giant picture of Stalker. The rest aren't as great

Crayons: SCHOOL QUALITY!

G.I. Joe Valentines: I'm sure there were some joe fans who were in high school who gave these too every chick they met

FUN PONCHO: More like Lame Retarded Vinyl, also what's with the Hamburglar/old tymey criminal mask?

Bike Bar Pad: This thing is only getting mentioned because it's got a goofy ass Green Snake Eyes

INVESTMENT MERCH

2008-09-21T05:27:00.000-06:00

When I first saw these in the glass case at the convention I wasn't sure how I felt about them, but now that I have them in my hands I can't believe how BLOWN AWAY I AM.

Wait, this site isn't ran by a Hasbro Lipservice dork!

Lets backup here for a second.

Is Hasbro really being serious here? I mean what the fuck?

Everyone knows Joe fans are total morons when it comes to managing finances and balancing importance of hobbies and will probably buy these and give them to their girlfriends and kids to GET EM STARTED EARLY IN THE PATH TO SETTLIN' FOR LESS. If this is what Hasbro means by "Making GI Joe a market contender again" I start to second guess saying "Gee I sure wish they would make new GI Joe figures" in 1999.

Hopefully next we see a colored vinyl reissue of that 12'' that had a choose your own adventure or some shit, C'mon Hasbro capitalize on Hipster monies!

EVERYBODYS WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND

2008-09-19T23:39:00.000-06:00

Rock N Roll makes shit happen!

(Photo by Smash The State field photog Roland)

Everything is not alright, and theres no end in sight.

2008-09-19T01:44:00.000-06:00

Theres been like 150 figures produced in 2008 alone, plus coming waves that Masturbatory Collector is PREVIEWIN'EXCLUSIVLEY ON THEY SITE FRESH OUTTA 1998. So what, thats like 20 more figures before 2008 ends, plus next year we have a movie where whole damn places EXPLODE so thats gonna get merched to fuck and back, so thats gonna get a shitload of toys like HAULING-ASS BREAKER and insensitive to other languages Ripcord. Thats gonna add up to like 250 new figures before Hasbro throws this line off the damn boat again because the movie bombed like an abortion clinic. If you're buying every last one of these figures, Hasbro has you by the Jacobs and is looking you right in the eye as they repaint that fucking Cobra Trooper figure again and shove it down your throat.

But c'mon, who doesn't want a fucking figure of Matt Trakker?

What the fuck was the point of the 25th line again?

2008-09-19T01:00:00.000-06:00

I remember the 25th line was supposed to be redo's of all the iconic 3/34 inch G.I. Joe action figures and all, but there's been some real "what the fuck" choices, that Russian jerk, Hiss Driver, the black ninja from South America becoming a honky, Grand Slam, and the Jetpack trooper. Here's the latest one:

The Ninja Viper, a lame ass mail in i've never seen, who is now one of G.I. Joe's most important characters. Sorry Zap, the 25th line is more of a Mexican't!

Reasons why Clutch is Great

2008-09-17T19:40:00.001-06:00

Clutch is great because he has a beard, a cool jeep and is a womanizer, heres some totally true facts about the best Joe ever:

- Clutch doesn't fuck around, one time Zap locked him out of the barracks, so Clutch dumped his old Christmas Tree on Zap's lawn.

- Clutch is Jewish and doesn't even celebrate Christmas but fuck Zap he has a dead ass tree to worry about.

- Clutch modified the radios in every Joe Vehicle to play Cosmos Factory on loop

- Clutch listens to nothing but Creedance Clearwater Revival, the only time he doesn't is when he listens to "Had To Cry Today" by Blind Faith, but thats only like once a month.

- Clutch and Rock And Roll got hired to build a shed once, but instead of building the shed, they smoked dope in the back of a van and played Nintendo, but still got paid because they got the high score in Double Dragon.

- Clutch named the VAMP "Jewish Lightning"

- Clutch cleaned out the inside of the MOBAT just to hide little slips of paper with Polish jokes on them so Steeler would get sad when he found them. "WHAT DO YOU CALL POLISH BODY ARMOR: STICKING THE TOP HALF OF YOUR BODY OUT OF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING TANK!"

- Clutch took a math test and the question asked "MARY HAS 3 APPLES AND 2 ORANGES BUT WHEN ADDED TOGETHER SHE GOT SIX, WHY IS MARY WRONG?" and Clutch just wrote down "SHES A WOMAN"

- Clutch has a helicopter full of Mr Pibb delivered to his goddamned house once a week

- Clutch was once sleeping in a bus station and got so pissed that the buses made so much noise that he designed a subway and made mad duckets from it, but declined all money and just wanted Tom Fogertys autograph instead. When they told him Tom Fogerty was dead, Clutch burnt down Ohio.

- Clutch wrote all of Neil Young's lyrics

- Clutch hung out with Warren Zevon for like six weeks not paying hotel bills and picking up strange women in North L.A, before he left Warren, he gave him the sheet music for "Excitable Boy"

- Clutch went and hung out with Fidel Castro just so he could pick up some exotic looking bitches.

- Clutch taught Neil Pert how to play drums.

- Clutch is great you jerks.

Here's a survey fill it out!

2008-09-17T17:51:00.000-06:00

1. Why don't you vote fire Tom Jacks
a.Who's Tom Jacks?
b.Smash The State Needs a Fall Guy
c.Tom Jacks is totally stringing me along about selling my Hiss 3 drivers

2.Race Riot
a.Don't Buy it
b.Don't Try it

3.Sites better than Smash The State
a.Nigga don't be crazy
b.All of the Above

4.Sexual Prefrence!
a.Joan Jett
b.Debbie Harry
c.DON'T SIN

5.Funskool Tripwire
a.Yeah he's great
b.STRICT MILITARY REALISM

6.Figures better than Rock n Roll v1
a.None of the Above
b.None of the Above
c.None of the Above
d.C.

7.Zartan's many versions
a.Cool
b.PUNK ROOLZ NEW YAWK CITAY
c.Prostitute
d.Ugly and occasionally Clear
e.Man what's with the hockey Jersey
f.Nigga why you so sick?

8.Dr Henry E. Miller's credentials
a.He may be a doctor but I'm not letting him cut me open
b.While he's not actually Nose Ear throat and dick doctor, I'd let him cut me open
c.Mother fucker who's got a doctorate in "SPORTS MARKETING"
d.I don't trust people over the internet

9.Smash The State as a book
a. Won't buy it
b. Give me a free copy
c.I'll wait for the Broca Blutch one
d. THIS IS THE DIGITAL AGE

10.Will you do this survey?
a. No
b. Probably not
c. What's in it for me?

Well that's it folks, please put the answers in the comment section if you actually do this

This shit is giving me a Headache

2008-09-16T13:59:00.000-06:00

You know it may have been 16 years ago the last time I took a scriptwriting class, I might just be an out of touch old man who bitterly left the video production field years ago, or maybe I'm just not an idiot, but I think "HE HAULS ASS" and "THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE EXPLODES" aren't good ways to convey action in a script. I wasn't expecting anything good, in fact I was expecting something completely awful but this, this is just embarrassing. I've read almost the entire thing unfortunately and I don't think my mind will recover for a while. It's a horrible mash up of AWFUL sci-fi buzzwords, awful action scenes and horrible dialog and character development. So please, please, do the world a favor and don't go see this when it comes out and help this movie bomb and hopefully kills off any chances of a sequel. I'm not lying when I say horrible dio stories have better dialog then this movie.

Also Cover Girl has like 2 lines of dialog before Storm Shadow kills her OH NO SPOILER ALERT.

Anyway, I'm done digging through this horrible thing, maybe Johnny Turk can take over till his brain melts too. Big thanks to the dude who sent this to us though, secret guy, you're great.

Smash The State Vs Broca Blutch intermural hockey game!

2008-09-15T23:37:00.000-06:00

Johnny Turk scored the winning goal, and Dr. Henry E. Miller and D. Venburg both got fighting majors, but not for fighting each other, but for fighting the hotdog vendor for running out of Mr. Pibb.

Fuck that guy!

Hahaha you waited like 26 years for this?

2008-09-15T21:00:00.000-06:00

I wonder if Josh Baylock knows they stole his awful storylines! Jesus Archibald Christ this is worse then a Thomas Wheeler filecard.

CINEMATIC GOLD:

The president wears Zubaz!

WHOA MAN

G.I. Joe Script

2008-09-15T18:25:00.000-06:00

Well a fan of Smash The State has passed us along a copy of the G.I. Joe script and it stinks. I'm posting a couple highlights of awfulness due to the fact I haven't finished reading it, more will come my main men in the mix. Special thanks too our #1 Replacement Fan!

Duke Joins the army:

Some stupid shit about vipers

This was totally a good idea

2008-09-14T10:36:00.001-06:00

Cobras siege on this guys Cankle enters the 16th day, WHAT IS AMERICA DOING TO STOP THIS TERRORIST ONSLAUGHT ON FAT AND REALLY POOR LIFE DECISIONS

GI JOE THE MOVIE SOUNDTRACK

2008-09-13T15:44:00.000-06:00

Leaked exclusively to Smash The State, the track listing for the soundtrack for the SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER GI JOE: The Movie: Revenge Of Cobra: The Movie: Omega ResoluteforceDTCconvetionexlcusivemegamugg!

Track 1: Bob Segar - Hollywood Nights.
Track 2: Circle Jerks - Paid Vacation
Track 3: Mojo Nixon - Plastic Jesus
Track 4: Jello Biafra - Names For Bands
Track 5: The Minutemen - One Reporters Opinion
Track 6: D.O.A - World War 3
Track 7: Glenn Danzig - Spook City USA
Track 8: Neil Young - Cortez The Killer
Track 9: Pointed Sticks - Lies
Track 10: Stu Wilson - Untitled Track About Rock And Roll
Track 11: The Johnny Turk Romanian Boys Sound And Fury Jam Band Experience - Rock And Roll V1 Is Great
Track 12: Lovin' Spoonfull - Summer In The City
Track 13: Bob Segar - Hollywood Nights

Actually it wouldn't be that awesome it will probably have songs like CLICK CLICK BOOM HERE COMES THE GENERIC MUSIC and YA'LL GONE MAKE ME USE THIS SONG IN EVERY TRAILER EVER UP IN HERE UP IN HERE and I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE AND I'M PROUD TO MAKE MONEY OFF THE BACKS OF THE LABORERRRRRS.

Remember when G.I.Joe wasn't a serious Collector hobby

2008-09-12T20:03:00.000-06:00

Prior to the 25th Anniversary of G.I. Joe, Hasbro marketed G.I. Joe's from 1997-2006 too jerks, cool dudes (Smash The State, it's loyal readers and a few other non jerks), some angry guys, and the nostalgic. This meant that Hasbro mainly focused on making a bunch of awful figures, lying too fans and occasionally doing something good. So there main audience was people who belived they "Really tried hard too make a figure I didn't belive that I would enjoy" as well as people who blew their money on joes because it was an easy thing to collect.

Nowadays, G.I. Joe is serious fucking business, which means not only are they still making awful figures and lying too the fans, but now they've decided to make nerds lose more money, by producing garbage like this:

That's a mighty Mugg, I have no idea what the fuck a Mighty Mugg is, but i'm sure some moron is gonna fork money over for it because G.I. Joe is now SERIOUS GODDAMN BUSINESS AND YOU GOTTA GET TWO OF EVERYTHING (One to open and put on a shelf and another to tack too your wall or put on a hook to make your house look like a fucking Wal Mart)

There's another stupid type of thing like this but I can't remember what they're called, but I do know they're godawful too and this type of expansion is only making this line easier and easier too ignore, back in the good old days of stuff we complained about but would take back in a heart beat this shit wouldn't fly

Alright jerks

2008-09-11T00:55:00.000-06:00

Alright which one of you sexless losers was in the Toys R. Us in Times Square at about 6pm on September 10th? Looking through the Joe figurings and mumbling about "PEGGWARMERS" and "DUKE ARMS" to yourself?

Get out of my city.

Convention Exclusives!

2008-09-10T20:56:00.000-06:00

G.I. Joe conventions tend to bring out the worst aspects of G.I.Joe, the worst of all is the exclusives so I'll look back at as many of them as I can remember or until I get bored, don't worry though I'm not gonna do anything stupid like that 1993 Backblast that got bagged and sold in like 98 or something.

James DeSimone's convention exclusives:

Cobra Infiltrate Jinx: This figure is great because it was James DeSimone getting a bunch of Jinx's and a Mickey Mouse CC Cobra symbol stencil. I bet that guy makes a batch in his garage every two years

Police Officer: What happens when you take an already ugly figure and make him a cop? A hilarious waste of Stardusters, but I suppose this motherfucker is hella rare what with regular Stardusters being like 60 bucks and these guys never show up. They'd probably go for like 200 bucks, I guess I should make some in my garage and then sell them.

Race Car Driver:I think this is the best coloring of the Ace v1 mold shame it's just a shitty custom

Master Collector Exclusives

2002: Hey remember when Vipers weren't boring and Crimson repaints weren't (really) stupid? yeah the good old days indeed!

2003: The beginning of using "obscure molds" oh well atleast this set didn't prevent any good molds from being used at retail

2004: HELL YEH DREADNOKZ It's pretty bad when the best figures are a Buzzer and Ripper with hilarious and unnoticed ripped off foreign colorschemes. Also this set is the beggining of really hilarious and overpriced other exclusives (I think there was only 1 in 03, here there's a bunch) My favorite being the fifty dollar Zubaz pants Zartan with a TBC Hawk in bad colors and a second one with new sculpt head. Didn't they make a v1 style Zartan head with a balljoint neck in 2001? Why not use that

2005: Hey like 90% of these molds would've done better at retail and not being Iron Grenadiers, seriously fuck the Iron Grenaiders those guys are overrated

2006: What happens when you take some of the lamer molds and make a bunch of fat ass troopers for Major Bludd and Overlord, who also introduces the coil, a sub par convention set, so how do you save it? Throw in a R@RE and cool South American exclusive, just ya know make it worse that the original. This is probably the worst set ever devised by these MC cats mainly due too the fact it throws all the popular Joe fan ideas together and proves they're all godawful. Wait I guess this is the best set.

2007: Some decent updates too classic characters and some cartoon characters. It's lowpoint is pretty much the female Cobra troopers. While not nearly as fucked up as a lot of customs the terrible back mold ruins those figures.

2008: DRUG DEALING ROBOTS CRACK SMACK BZZT LSD

Canadian Joe exclusives: The most expensive customs around, too bad they all suck and aren't even worth the money jerks pay for them.

So in the end, most Joe convention exclusives are terrible (much like this article) and not really worth 300 bones, but then again "HEY U GUYS THERE EXCLUSIVES THEY MIGHT SELL OUT!" which ya know rarely happens

BUY ME (my) STUFF (snake oil) PLZ

2008-09-08T18:23:00.000-06:00

Smash The State doesn't want your money!

You see, we don't need it. We don't take GI. Joe serious enough and our readers are usually smarter then that. They wouldn't fork over money or buy our snake oil because we dropped a NIKON KOOLPIX 600004 in the toilet. Or because we totally got to go to a convention where guys eat pepperoni sticks and drink really bad coffee. No you see Smash The State takes responsibility for their actions and financial holdings, plus we own better cameras. I mean seriously my Canon 5D is practically built for abuse and gets used in harsher conditions then GETTIN REAL CLOSE TO THE GROUND and TALL GRASS ACTION STORY. If they spent as much dough on decent cameras as they did on VALOR VS VENOM REPAINT VIPER V5. they might not have to ask for handouts.

Ya know come to think of it, next time Johnny Turk gets thrown in jail for a misunderstanding (burning down Gerry Rafferty's house, blowing up Bob Rock's mailbox because Northern Avenger hasn't come out yet) we could ask you guys to post bail for us, we could use a graphic like this at the top of the page:

THEN WE WOULD BE REALLY COOL!

The Triumphant return of...

2008-09-07T22:47:00.000-06:00

Stupid shit said this week!

Hola ese’It’s that time of the week again too find people who have said some stupid shit and post it all in one place too get laughs and get people so angry they “NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR USERNAME ROUND THESE PARTS AGAIN” also there’s probably a few from blogs but that’s because it’s a lot easier than wading thru junk posts

A guy who is very serious about how he’s a big shot : NO site online run by a stand alone person works hand in hand with Hasbro with as much detail as he does - if so, then why doesn't yojoe.com have an exclusive figure or set once a year? JoeCanuck.com works with Hasbro - so much to the point that they are one of the VERY few sites that are now permitted to use the Joe Logos and Icons with permission from Hasbro Legal

Some dude who thinks that G.I.Joes are actually worth something: Do you have insurance on your collection? If so, who do you use? Do you even prepared for a disaster? If you know it is coming, hurricane specific here, what do you do with your collection?

Some guy who’s pulling a Rock N Roll in G.I.Joe #11: I saw that movie, although I think I was actually watching it for Amanda Bynes. What?
[sees 'She's the Man' and 'What a Girl Wants' on the DVD shelf]
Alright, so she's cute, funny, talented, and is like the last young actress to not do something to embaress herself. I think she is an incredible talent and can pretty much handle any role. She's goofy, and has great comedic timing. She is probably the funniest young actress out there, along with Anna Faris..And I think I saw the Cobra Commander figure

Some dude talking about a gijoe wiki but probably doesn’t realize joe fans are lazy and/or keep their info too themselves to be considered big shots: it doesn't suck, it is only in its infancy. It will get better the more of us that update it. We all have unique Joe related information saved on our computers or in our heads. Why don't we all get together and make it what we want it to be, instead of ripping it up for not being what you imagine it should be

Some dude who’s never read smash the state or he’d be impressed: Well I searched the internet up and down and was fairly unimpress with al of the personal Joe sites. There is always YoJoe.com and the Tank but I wanted something a little more personal.

That's all this week, jerks are spreading the stupidity thin and I ain't looking very hard

What the hell is this?

2008-09-04T15:07:00.000-06:00

Now I've always known that Cobra wasn't supposed to be taken seriously or have a good fashion sense, but jesus christ I stumbled upon this and am left with quite a few questions. Number 1 being "Was this shit offical?"the 2nd being "Who the fuck are these jerks" after that I wondered "What the hell happened to the ARBCO Textitles and child labour factories" because these costumes suck.

So would someone please explain to me who the hell the following are?

1.Balrog from Street Fighter 2, what the hell is he doing here?

2.The guy with a turtleneck and stubble beside what looks to be Mindbender. Did COBRA decide to base a guy off the joe fans who don't have ponytails and XXXL dragon shirts?

3.That Dr. Strange looking motherfucker behind Rip It

4.That butler looking motherfucker beside Raptor

5.The bone thru the nose Vulture looking dude behind Battle Armor Cobra Commander?

6.The 12 jerks in black in the third row

7. The guy beside Decimator, did Cobra go back to 1988 and hire Glenn Danzig but remove his steroids?

8.The cue ball black chick, Bam Bam Bigelow and the other white guy beside them who are all in red

9.The guy in the stupid mask with green dreads

There's a bunch more but I don't even care anymore.

As for question #3
when the hell did Tomax and Xamot become gay superheroes
why did Major Bludd get a neck brace?
Why did Ripper and Torch get updated too look even more homosexual?
What's with all the popped collars (Slice, Tomax, Xamot, Bludd have them, and Firefly and Scrap Iron have halfassed ones)
How come of all the jerks Copperhead was the only one who went unchanged?

ADULT COLLECTABLE

2008-09-03T02:51:00.000-06:00

Remember those DTC wave 4 figures that nobody in their right mind really gave a fuck about? Remember how nobody in their right mind really cared they never got released? Remember how nobody in their right mind wanted more mediocre repaints? Unless you liked to review things in tandem on a site with no content?

TAKE IT AWAY FRED!

Well now our friends at the serious business action figure club are trying to hock them as ADULT COLLECTIBLES!

You see they are children's toys only for ADULTS, and ADULTS are willing to pay 30 dollars a two pack with 12 dollar shipping for such exciting figures as overweight Lt. Falcon and Female Cobra Male Fantasy With Guns. Those aren't made up numbers folks, thats Masturbatory Collectors actual asking price:

Airtight vs. Cobra Officer- $28.99 Ships October
Outback vs. Night Viper- $28.99 Ships October
Lt. Falcon Vs. Munitia & PP Copperhead- $40.99 Ships January

I mean it would be one thing if they were at least hocking GOOD figures, but these are rehashes from the end of the failed new sculpt experiment. Master Collector should just come out and say it on their website:

Buy our snake oil you retarded disposable income fucks

No, he really isn't a cool character

2008-09-02T23:35:00.001-06:00

G.I. Joe fans tend to be morons, they usually grab some obscure figure and make them their own personal Snake Eyes, it's frankly quite embarassing because for every dio story involving a really shitty Grand Slam custom blowing up something in your sandbox, there's like 90 fan fics with the exact same thing happening.

G.I. Joe's who should never be in another fan created thing again:

Grand Slam: That motherfucker is ugly and I've already given an example of his "COOLNESS FACTOR"

Hit and Run: Sure he's a cool figure but really he's the most 1 dimensional character around he likes to run and ain't got a home big whoop. Having him stuck in a giant purple prison of peril for 3 goddamn years doesn't give him a character it means your a jerk who can't write a compelling story.

Barrel Roll: Yeah I don't think a "HIGH ALTITUDE SNIPER" is going to be going behind enemy lines or anything ya know secret agent like. Seriously fuck this guy, he was a decent New Sculpt Figure but if they made him in 2001 he'd be lamer than that guy with Big Ben's torso and dial tone legs

Sure Fire: This guy might be the best figure between 1997-2004 but it doesn't mean he should be in every dio using the same 2 goddamn charcterizations, either "HARD EDGE COP WITH AN ATTITUDE THAT PUTS PEOPLE OFF" or "GUY WHO'S UNLIKABLE BUT GETS THE JOB DONE" Look we all know and hate Steel Brigade as well, but honestly don't hide it either say "THIS GUY IS AN ASSHOLE WHO IS AN INSIDER AND PROBABLY EXCHANGED SEXUAL FAVORS FOR HIS PLACE IN THE GIJCC" or make fun of him for being this David Lane:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Eden_Lane

Cobra's who should never be in another fan created thing again:

Resurrected Serpentor: Ya know I don't have a problem with people who like serpentor, I have a problem with guys who don't really like him and ressurect him and have him squashed by the real CC. This also always leads to the next guy

Overlord: His filecard makes him seem like a Cobra Diehard who actually tried to make Cobra Command a stable organization. So of course everytime he shows up it's as a sniveling fuck up who is in way over his head, and winds up being second in command of "THE COIL" seriously this isn't original stop fucking doing it

Major Bludd: Read Broca Blutch they do make valid points!

There's probably more, maybe you guys can write them. Anyways joe fans should adopt new useless characters to portray as cooler than Snake Eyes, better than Duke and having sexual relations with Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Jinx; like Hardball or Clutch.

Thats goddamned right

2008-09-01T23:21:00.001-06:00

FUCK YEAH

Cobra Vehicles that weren't retarded

2008-09-01T22:52:00.000-06:00

Vehicles for Cobra Command have been around for like 25 years, and for the most time they were uglier than a two tone haircut. Here's a list of the ones that aren't:

1. The Rattler: anything with the purpose of mudering Steeler is awesome

2. The Stinger: Even though it's armed with "SMALL AMOUNT OF RED MISSLES" It's got a razor blade ramming bar. That's better than more headlights like that pussy vamp 2

3. The Night Raven small pod

4.The Maggot: this thing actually makes a little sense. And has a gun that could blow guys up, no missles (Seriously every fucking thing has missles those things aren't good they run out quickly) and isn't purple or driven by a guy who's got hip boots.

5.The Battle Barge: One time I decided it would be awesome to do a dio with Snake Eyes getting knocked in a river and Duke being all "HEY JUST TREADWATER" and snake eyes bangs his head and drowns. However I remembered it would be awesome to not make a dio because no one would get it and didn't want to waste my time doing that (I had a bag of cheetohs and a VHS of Perry Mason episodes)

6.The Hiss II: This thing is actually a tank, plus has a big gun. Too bad there's Red missles

7.The Rage, this thing is hilarious as it's got more guns that every cobra vehicle from 1983, and it's got a motherfucking mine layer. I have a feeling this thing is not the last Cobra thing around so those goddamn things kill more cobras than the guy from Motley Crue killed friends in car accidents.

That's it, but really I guess things good be worse for Cobra, they could have all those gay Iron Grenadiers vehicles. You'd think an organization run by some jerk who's awesome at designing guns and shit wouldn't design the TANK HELICOPTER DEATHTRAP!

Ps Big thanks to Dr. Henry E. Miller for springing me my bail, and then helping me throw that pipebomb through the St Boniface KFC drive thru. Motherfuckers you make a bunch of chicken things, I'd assume you'd have learned how to make just the chicken skin. I'll destroy a statue of Abe Lincoln if I have too

CONTENT MOTHERFUCKERS

2008-08-31T22:06:00.000-06:00

So the other day I was in Wal-Mart and decided for some sick reason to go over to the isle where the action figures are, why I did this, and after my last encounter in a toy isle I do not know.

So I walked over to where they keep the military action figures and what greeted me was a very large neckbeard, I'm talking like 450 pounds + neck beard, he had a death grip on one of those whiteboy Ninja-Ku's and was sweating profusely and panting heavily.

You know what, fuck the toy isle.

Also heres a picture from the top secret GI Joe operation "SIEGE OF COUNTRY KITCHEN BUFFET":

YO JOE.

Also "Stupid Things Jerks Said" will be returning soon. Johnny Turk has to get bailed out of prison in Winnipeg first.

100 posts jerks!

2008-08-27T22:29:00.000-06:00

Smash The State's 100th post, rather than make fun of more jerks or actually review a figure we're just gonna take the easy way out and post all our tags, the real humor of the site! (except for the tom jacks ones, they suck and I forgot to add them):

Nerds Losing Money
BOMB SQUAD
Dirtbikes
Levon Helm
Wait the guys from aerosmith are still alive?
Rain is hot I KNOW
The History of America
Ronaldo Reagano
Guys with beards
REALISTIC MILITARY ACTION
Geddy Lee
DON'T YOU DARE BEND THAT CARD
Levon Helm Is the Single Greatest Motherfucker This side of Rick Danko
Better than Yojoe
Straight Edge
Larry Hama is No friend of mine
RICHARD HELL
IT’S A SERIOUS HOBBY I SPEND LOTS OF MONEY ON IT
Rick Danko
Break The News Pepote Rouge is coming to town
It Makes No Difference
SHUT THE FUCK UP DONNY
Walter Mondale
Eric Bloom
HAYSTACKS CALHOON
Joe Fans Are cheap
I hope these guys try to sue us
ON EBAY
YOU CAN BRING ON
Margaret Thatcher
Chuck Biscuits
Sun is cold
Legal Threats
Bootlegs
Lovin’ Spoonful
GUYS THERES GONNA BE A TERRORDROME REISSUE FOR 15 BUCKS
If You Want Me here I is
Corey Stinson ill show you what this baddest of the bad shit is all about
Adult Virgins
WE SAY THIS IN PUBLIC BECAUSE SMASH THE STATE FEARS NO MAN
KODDACHROMMMMMMME
Satanic Cults
Tags about Neil Young
GET IN MY CAR
DRIVE TO THE GREAT AMERICAN BASH
Guys Getting Sued
Keith Morris
Mister Blue Sky
Vote fire Tom Jacks
Tom Jacks doesn’t get a cut
Taco Stains
The Band
CCR
We're Firing Tom Jacks
A Season In Hell
Richard Manuel has great eyebrows
I WILL CONTACT THE SHOPPING CENTER SECURITY FORCE
I hope Thomas wheeler gets drafted
Zero Hour
SEX BOMB BABY
The Dicks hate the police
Heroes
Nerds upset by the internet
Keith Morris
Keith Moon
Tina Weymouth
Nerds Wanting History
Mike Fountain
Are Ya Going to Bermuda
Wesley Willis
The Contras
Johnny Turk was a member of the Floorlords for six minutes
BADDEST MEN
Leave the lights on I forgot where the fuck it is
Mike Watt
Maderic and Rocfella are the same person
Bomb Squad
Dwindling Creativity
Jailbait jailbait statutory rape
When ya dance you can really love
Dr Henry E Miller sold Chris benoit steroids in exchange for pictures of his wife
Organized Religion
MALE INNZ
Spook City USA
shout out to all my homies on hisstank.com
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cherry bomb
Sorry Levar we have to let you go
Rick Danko got a lot of screen time
You're Living All Over Me is the best Dinosaur jr. Album
Smash The State Never Loses
Nerds Getting Angry
Jpeg compression
Tom Waits
Slam and Worm
Why haven’t you made effects yet
REMEMBER WHEN THE JOE COMMUNITY WAS LIKE 6 SITES
Nerds With Bad Websites
Rick Danko is great
STUDIO SESSION
Mike Fountain is no friend of mine
Jerks spending stimulus checks on dumb shit
guys who know things
Gangland Killings
Decapitations
My Guitar Wants to kill your action Figures
Mike Fountain Killed My Father
Nerds Getting Butthurt
Running On Empty
Nerds With Healthcare
Live Rust
BIG BAD TOY FRAUD
HATE BLOGGERS WHOA
Fall
Keep on Searching for a heart of gold
Sweetheart of the Rodeo
God
Christianity
Ringo Starr
Chest Fever man, Garth Hudson plays it for like 17 minutes
TOM JACKS IS THE FALL GUY
Time Fades away
Rick Danko is the best
Tom Jacks Is On Thin Ice
Rick Danko Knows Things
Wolf Shirts
Malicious hair dryers
This is it
RED LOGO STATIC ATTACK
Convention Exclusives cause domestic abuse
Corpus Christi
General Hawk Writes Propaganda Songs
BLITZ YA WHOLE TEAM YA NIGGAS NEED TO COME CLEAN
Guys they really do care
Thomas Wheeler failed his road test 19 times
They try really hard to make toys we the collector enjoy
Rock n roll once beat up some new wave band for not covering a ccr song
Jello Biafra
Robbie Robertson
Danzig
Tom Jacks Reform
The Elderly
MUTHAAAA I'M A BUILDING A PATIO I HAVE A SKID A BRIIIICKS
Outsourced action figures
Oh God The Weather Is Bad
Sherman Anti Trust act
Fuck the PAC/RAT
Stage Fright
OFFSHORING OF NERDS LOSING MONEY
Back To Africa
Hardcore 81
Wheelchair Epidemic
Devilock
GO
GO GO GO GOOOOOO
YEAH
COME ON UP TO THE DEVILS WHOREHOUSE
Nerds Reaching Puberty Late
Scooters
Corner you in an elevator
REISSUED FLAGG
Little Feat
Tall Grass
Nerds preordering bad figures
Showdown at big sky
Bad Ideas
Snowmobiles
This Is It Vancouver
Zodiac Killer
WHOA OH OOH
Well I turned into A Martian
Charles Bronson
Prison
These are True
Coca cola bottle from outer space
I hope Thomas Wheeler get drafted
I blew up my deep six with a cherry bomb
Willie The Pimp
Terrorists
BRIAN SAVAGE
Pederast
I Knew A Man Bojangles
DEATH BY COPS
HE HAS 2 BROKEN STRINGS IS THAT PUNK ENOUGH FOR YOU
Gorilla Your a Desperado
I think My walkie talkie’s broke
Is this some kind of joke
ROLL ME AWAY
G.I.Joe
THE FUTURE OF AMERICA
Tripwire
Thomas Wheeler was probably in youth of today
America Under Attack
Henry Rollins Fanfiction
Nerds Getting Arrested
Nerds With Fucked Up Priorities
Pedadelphia PA
Thomas Wheeler
Nerds With No Money
THEY HAD NO BUSINESS DOING THAT MAN
Reaganomics worked for me
Thomas wheeler does not believe in music
Nerds Fear Darkies
Thomas Wheeler is gonna sue us
ANARCHY IN TANZANIA
SEALs
DIY TOY NEWSLETTERS
Pointed Sticks
mailed in articles
Willie Horton
With a knife
PHOTOSHOP
GIVE ME A V for TEXAS
Talking bout the gambler I think
Rack Focus
There's an a bomb on wardour street
Captain America
Black Flag had a guitarist worse than the Bay City Rollers
Death Wish 3
Bay City Rollers
I HOPE WE DON'T GET SUED
Search it Out
Patriots
George Clinton stole the covers of from my trashcans
MORE LIKE AT THE PUBLIC HEALTH CLINIC
Joe Fans Are idiots
Buzzer
Whats the ugliest part of your body
The Neccesities of Life
TSOL
Cobra
YOU’RE A REAL DICK ALRIGHT
I hope you get drafted
Thomas wheeler is too much of a wimp to go to a training camp
Harvest
Comic Pack
Terrorism
Like That Reagan Quote about eating children
Sweet Caroline
Guys who could use a beard
MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE
Jerks

Well thank you for sifting through a list of obscure music references, personal attacks against a guy neither of us know, a few things actually referencing G.I. Joe and like 14 variations of the “Nerd “verb” “noun”” gag.

Sincerely the Smash The State Figure Review Team (Johnny Turk and Dr. Henry E. Miller)

Short Takin'

2008-08-27T22:01:00.000-06:00

You know what was pretty fucking swell?

The whirlwind! A big fucking gun that doesn't take shit from nobody!

Look at that fucking thing, Rock N Roll is totally laying into some prick with twin Gatling Guns. Throwing serious lead at some lame Adventure People toy on the shelf next to it. Take that TV Van with Reporter!

The Whirlwind was the first and best of many small Joe battle accessories that kicked serious ass and didn't suck. Giant machine guns are better then LOTS OF RED MISSILES any fucking day!