Man, fuck Joe Colton

Well my friends the overdubs of Toto XVI are almost done but I have to use some African zombie voodoo shit to ressurect the dead dude because albums need all the original guys or it's just not worth doing I still get things done faster than Bob Rock! Anyways, lately I've noticed a trend of jerks deciding that the 3 3/4 inch G.I. Joe line needs to have the original G.I.Joe as a character, now I know "good idea" and "G.I. Joe fan" don't really go together, but there's been a few (the most obvious is this site!) but really, why the fuck do we even want that fucking jerk? here's what I gather are the reasons guys decide this:

1. "HE WAS IN THE COMIC" Yeah, so? Most comic fans want their joes to age seeing as they all fought in nam and that was 40 years ago that makes Stalker like 60. G.I. Joe would probably be on his deathbed in a moldy old VA hospital, cursing his 4 kids and their lousy kids for not visiting. HE LOST HIS SHINS GODDAMNIT!

2. "He's historical" Yeah, you know what else is historical and important, the bubonic plauge but I don't here joe fans demanding that get carded and sold in stores. Well I actually think they should, it would really thin out the ranks!

3. "But Johnny, what about his sweet mail-in figure that figure was pretty good" Yeah, I guess but that figure came with a Gung Ho v3 gun, and Gung Ho v3 is the worst version of Gung Ho not dressed up like homosexual in an off broadway performance of Platoon, or a guy who runs around yelling SEMPER FI while drunk and waving his sword at women on the base. So G.I Joe shouldn't get a figure due to having a lame mail in with a jerkwad's gun.

So if you want G.I.Joe with your fun action figures, stop collecting. Your not secure enough with your hobby that you need some lame ass old dude to join it so you can claim to the hot 17 year old cashier "YEAH, THIS HAS 40 YEARS OF HISTORY BEHIND IT, THAT'S LIKE SPIDER MAN AND FANTASTIC FOUR, WANT TO COME TO MY PLACE AND WATCH A VHS OF INFOMERCIALS?"