Hey look we should have updated

But we didn't Henry E. Miller was too busy in minnieapolis fighting Verne Gange and Dick the bruiser DADDY!

here's the influence for Storm Shadow v25, ya know that one from the comic packin the 25th line

ALSO MEXICO is BETTER THAN SERPENTOR, take that lou dobbs

Hasbro; what the fuck were you thinking?

Tiger Force is a controversial sub-team in the G.I. Joe most people think "Damn man those yellow fatigues aren't good for Jungle warfare" but there's a few who go "Damn, do we really need a version of Lifeline that's gonna rape and kill a teenage girl and cut off her ears and wear them on a necklace?"



"Take that you little lemon bastard!"

While I realize "Hey, the Tiger Force war crimes stuff wasn't discovered until like 2003" but there are people who go on about G.I. Joe being state of the art and incredibly chock full of Military Realism, so wouldn't Hasbro a multi million dollar corporation have been able to do some homework and realize "Hey maybe this isn't such a good idea?" Of course they could have but damn those cardbacks are a little harder to replace than stigma of war toys not being neccesarily a healthy thing for children to play with.

Shit, it just dawned on me that Hasbro released the TRU Tiger Force 5 pack after the "Uh hey, you guys, we did some really really horrible things to a lot of innocent people forty years ago" news coverage, now that doesn't really seem to be a smart thing to do. I'm surprised more people didn't go "Hey why are toy companies releasing toys celebrating war crimes?" but people are usually too busy to notice that shit I guess. Fanboys should probably rejoice at that as if people made that connection which may be untrue (I for one sure hope Hasbro didn't call them Tiger Force in tribute) the newly relaunched Joe probably would've died a quick death and wouldn't be brought back to the extent it has, oh well would we have lost all that much?

The Tiger Force figures were hit and miss though. Half of them were terrible with yellow pants and chest armor (You know the real common military equipment) and those who were released after 1988 were bad too. But Duke and Flint were really decent figures, Roadblock v2 was pretty rad and had the coolest Joe Helmet ever. And atleast Tiger Force Stalker didn't have the usual "Subject served in the same LRRP unit as Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow during the South East Asian conflict" Stalker FC's usually have.

The top 5 What The Christ? figure details:

I've been re-examining some figures recently, and I've noticed for every 1983 Cobra with Garrote there are some details that make me wonder what was the point, some may have reasonable explanations but they still look goofy/bizzarre. Here's the list:

5. 92 Roadblock mold's Earring, what was up with that thing, I know that Roadblock was "cooler" than most Joe team members (he wasn't a bland honky like so many of them) but the damn thing ruins a decent headsculpt but I guess RB should be happy he has ears this time

4. Talking Battle Commanders' Stalker's ninja star. In the middle of his webgear is a ninja star, what the hell man, he was the only main character in Joe who didn't become a goddamn ninja but he's got a ninja star. I guess Shruikens were the weapon of choice in late 60's Detroit.

3. The 92 Roadblock mold's bandana's, when I first noticed them on the Anti Venom Roadblock, I was surprised that they threw in a Bloods reference on a toy for children (or so the talking point goes) I wonder if they were always supposed to be red, but some streetwise Hasbro employee in '92 noticed the blue pants and those being Crips colors and didn't want his figure increasing action figure related gang violence, which had been in decline since 1983.

2.The 1992 Flak Viper Leotard-leggings combo, for real I'm surprised Ol' Flak Viper isn't used in more customs my esteemed colleauge Dr. Henry E. Miller writes witty one liners about, because BABES WEAR THOSE THINGS ON THEIR LEGS MAN, THESE ARE SORTA LIKE THEM. Or intentional (not unintentional like half the ones in the last post) Rocky Horror Show customs. Those would probably be more fun

1. 1985 Lady Jaye Mold's Buttons on chest pockets. Man,what the fuck? not only is it creepy to see on a toy, it's creepier to think some dude probably got his rocks off designing and getting those button nipples approved.


That's all for today kids, soon I'll review some figures like Doc, and Hiss Driver, I'lll be nicer too those guys.

Also, coming soon will be the 1983 Cobra spy that maybe 4 white people ever heard of, and details on the minority marketing campaign that almost killed Joe.

Your pal, J. Turk