INVESTMENT MERCH

When I first saw these in the glass case at the convention I wasn't sure how I felt about them, but now that I have them in my hands I can't believe how BLOWN AWAY I AM.

Wait, this site isn't ran by a Hasbro Lipservice dork!

Lets backup here for a second.

Is Hasbro really being serious here? I mean what the fuck?


Everyone knows Joe fans are total morons when it comes to managing finances and balancing importance of hobbies and will probably buy these and give them to their girlfriends and kids to GET EM STARTED EARLY IN THE PATH TO SETTLIN' FOR LESS. If this is what Hasbro means by "Making GI Joe a market contender again" I start to second guess saying "Gee I sure wish they would make new GI Joe figures" in 1999.

Hopefully next we see a colored vinyl reissue of that 12'' that had a choose your own adventure or some shit, C'mon Hasbro capitalize on Hipster monies!

Even more dumb shit jerks said

This is a new weekly thing until we get bored, also it's gonna happen on Sundays instead of Monday because it's easier or something (read: I found some really stupid shit jerks said and didn't want to forget about this) so here's this week in joe stupidity:

Some guy making noise about some ugly 25thA Scarlett figure like honestly I've read this twice and still don't get it: "now we can see what's underneth scarlett's helmet and it look like she has her hair ties or twisted like a bund, I just ask the hasbro team if they can remove her helmet to see what kind of hair style does she has there. I think that is a really nice figure of scarlett, let's see how she will turn out, maybe she would fit in the gijoe/transformer continuity era."

Some guy on a 5 minute cartoon that will probably get cancelled due to the fact you can't make money on commercials for something 5 goddamn minutes long: "It's like Sigma 6 on steroids, but more "real world", more adult, and with toys at a 3 3/4" scale. It's G.I. Joe perfection in my eyes."


Some guy who is out of step with society and probably would not find the musical stylings of MDC (Millions of Dead Cops) good: "I suppose what I find funny are certain newspaper comic strips. I have quite a vast collection of book compilations of assorted newspaper comic strips. These I find funny. BC. Wizard of Id. Dennis the Menace. Get Fuzzy. FoxTrot. Dilbert. etc. These I find funny, although not all of them. I don't see how people find "Pearls Before Swine" funny, and I have no use for overtly political strips (and I wish Get Fuzzy would stop sailing into those waters)."


Some dude who thinks to change things up you should take an already bad figure and make it shittier: "If they want to release single carded versions of DVD/comic pack figures I'd want them to be signifigantly different than their previous versions. Quick Kick in parka, Slaughter's Marauders Falcon, etc.."

A guy on his terrible spending habits: "i usually spend about 300 to 400 which is much better than last year when i was spending between 1200 to 1500 a month"

Some dude who seems insecure about how he wastes his money on kids toys: "As a non-smoker, non-drinker, workaholic father of 2 kids, I think I'm entitled to a vice of my choosing that does not hurt nor affect anyone around me and at the same time, will pan out to be a financial asset (based on what I buy) going forward."

Another dude who was probably a real cool guy in High School:"I could care less what anyone says about what I spend on MY toys, with MY MONEY. I do find it funny when they try to be a smartass with the comments, but then shut them up quick, when I ask what do they have to show for $100 bucks they wasted on partying vs what I spent on my collection."

Well that's all the retardedness for this week that I could find, and remember $100 is like 10 toys, or a quarter oz a six pack and bad sex. If you chose the toys your probably married and lame or lame, or an Ian McKaye emulating jerk who likes toys instead of Lyle Preslar

Stupid stuff jerks said this week

Please note my esteemed colleauge, Dr. Henry E Miller did all the footwork and then weasled his way out of it because apparently it's illegal to have four brides

On Semantics and stuff "I was just reading your recoil review and it is not a gripe or accosting but I do believe Wild Bill was a Lurp too"

On something I'm not sure about: "i'm actually worried about shipwreck. he was always my favorite growing up, and now i'm wondering if they'll mess him up. i mean, buttoned shirt, bell-bottoms with a sailor hat is easy enough... but what if that's not "practical" enough for them and give him a generic wet suit with a sailor hat as the exclusive? i'm kinda worried."

On how the (LIBERAL) media portrays his creed: "why do people who don't collect always stereo type us as "childish and weird" or some unshaven dude who lives in his mothers basement. i heard a guy on espn radio today going on and on about how it was childish and weird for anyone over the age of 30 to camp out to see "the dark knight". really ticked my off. there is nothing weird about having collecting as your hobby, it is just as legitimate as women who have 25 pairs of shoes, whats the real difference, or a guy who has a sports car that he tools with. "PLEASE UNDERSTAND I AM NOT DIRECTING THIS TOWARD YOUR WIFE OR HER PERSONALLY" Just the perception we all know is out there."

2 dudes on poor decisions: "I hated buying gold pimp for $40 during last day on ebay.
HAHA I would have loved to pay that!
$124.00 for me 2 months after the last Con
LOL yeah.

But back then it was expensive. i skipped lunch for a week to afford it."

On this guys fear of a lack of representation of Homosexual strong men and aliens and shit: "does hasbro have a plan to make dr.mindbender? in the 25th series?
he is crucial to the cobra ''team'' i guess u can call it. and are they going to ditch all cobra-la plot line?? i want me a Golobulus!!!!! and Pythona!!!! i know Nemesis Enforcer is out and i am hunting him down!"

Some guy on SERIOUS FUCKING WEIRD PERSONALITY ISSUES. LIKE HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK MAN? REALLY WHAT THE FUCK WOULD MAKE YOU THINK THIS IS A THING YOU SHOULD POST ON THE INTERNET REALLY: " would love to still play with my Joes, but i just do not have the imagination anymore...i take it all way to seriosly just like inthe movies when your like, "that cold never happen"...and somehow, it always turns sexual...i'm a sicko, i know...when i first got a couple, i would pose them in various "positions" to try and give my wife hints..."

That's all for this week, please worry about Dr. Henry E. Miller, he could be going upstate for a long time

Jesus Christ the 25th anniversary got dumber

"We got confirmation that Matt Trakker Leader of M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armored Strike Kommand) will be released as Specialist Trakker in Modern Era A Real American Hero Wave 10 or 11.

M.A.S.K. was a hybrid of popular 80's cartoons G.I. Joe and Transformers. It featured a special task force, led by Matt Trakker, with transforming vehicles engaged in an ongoing battle against V.E.N.O.M. (Vicious Evil Network Of Mayhem), with an emphasis on super-powered helmets called masks worn by the characters on the show."

HELL YEA MAN! WHEN I THINK OF THE LONG HISTORY OF G.I. JOE IT'S NOT MR FUJI ROADBLOCK. DEADBEAT DAD BEACH HEAD (MOTHERFUCKER IS WEARING SWEATPANTS) OR FUCKING THRASHER. I THINK OF MASK YA KNOW THAT GOOFY SHIT WITH CARS AND TINY ASS FIGURES AND THE CAR TURNS INTO A GODDAMN HELICOPTER!


Jesus Hasbro, swallow a horse

The Doctors Short Takes Part 1:

From The Desk Of The Esteemed Doctor Henry Edward Miller:

Ever notice how, in almost every wave since the new sculpts started, that theres been one or more figure that has some kind of disabling construction aliment that makes it move, and sometimes look incredibly stupid. C.L.A.W's Commander and his lower arms, Blackout, a sniper whos supposed to you know, hold his rifle up to his face, can't do that with his shitty arms. Even the new 25th anniversary nerd money pit figures have these problems. It's 2008 can't we get a action figure that you know, a kid or a overweight single fuck can play with?

Because we sure as shit had them 20 years ago.