DIO STORIEZ PART 2: THRU THE EEEEYES OF DA ENNEMY

A while back I made post scrutinizing dio stories, and I'm back to do it some more. Now I've already mentioned "Bad photography" "Refrences to Jesus" and probably other things but I'm not going back to read it so if I cover something twice, it's because I can.

-Bad posing and sets. Nothing can ruin your dio story about The G.I.Joe team liberating the south from the terrorists than it taking place on your dirty kitchen floor with a goddamn case of Mello Yello in the background. Or maybe the setting is the HQ (with mysterious brown stains) however I don't want to see your goddamn kitchen table in the background with 11 1993 Battle Corps neon guys just lying there while the guys in the HQ look like they're those jerks who bend their elbows but never move their arms away from their torso.

Also, I guess I wouldn't want to see a Dio Story about liberating the south anyways so maybe the kitchen table doesn't matter much.

-Random outfit changes and character introductions. Oh hey Stalker is wearing his 1997 get up this is pretty cool, 8 scenes later he's wearing a black shirt and a neon green jacket and has grown a goatee, now I'm no doctor but that doesn't make a lot of sense. Also when your reading it and suddenly some other jerk is now in the squad that is fighting COBRA COMMAND in the jungles of south america that ya know happens to be trees after the leaves changed and fell and pine trees is really fucking stupid. Honestly if you can't keep the attention of someone who sought out this thing because you have a similar hobby then you must've gotten an F in creative writing.

Dio stories part 1

If taking pictures of childrens toys is considered normal, you still probably can't justify taking pictures and then making a story about them. Dio stories are one way to get some neckbeards as friends because they want to know what happens when your darling character (usually an obscure jerk people don't like, like I dunno Countdown) gets his time in the sun. Here's a list of of some things that make them bad:

1. Awful photography. Gee it's blurry, or your pictures are all overexposed use lights or take photos when there isn't cloud cover jesus christ.

2. Awful sets. Hey guys I live in the northeast, my background in October is gonna make an awesome South America right? And don't forget the great TALL GRASS shots. The Tall Grass is such a common battlefield it's annoying. The only thing worse is the fucking sandbox of doom, nothing sez AMERICAN INGENUITY like a bunch of buildings with no roofs or back walls in the desert while fighting the TERRORISTS. Or the homemade ones, because foamcore looks like walls and tables are made out of a circle and a spool of thread.

3. Awful dialogue. You know I'm sure all the TERRERISTS the US fights use all the standard Military lingo, "COME ON EEL 45 WE GOTTA MEET THE GROUND POUNDERS 45 KLICKS TO THE WEST" And then use your friends last names to sound edgy "EEL 45 WHATS THE MATTER. EEL 45 COME IN. ARE YOU OKAY YAMADA-GARZA?" And if you want to differentiate, throw in allusions to god, and no one curses. Not drug dealers, not guys who just saw there best friends face turn into a pile of goo and not terrorists.

I've got way more gripes but this is enough for now, I'm sure all 4 of you stopped reading after the word "if'. I'll probably criticize that one fat guy next.

Joes from places not America. ALSO DR. HENRY E. MILLER IS IN THE KKK

Big Ben: Had grenades that makes him cooler than Dusty

Back Stop: Canadian, has ugly pants. Died I hope

Skymate: Pink hat? More like Manmate am i rite

Switch Gears: He comes from Columbia not Colombia. Columbia is place where people wear club monaco t-shirts and listen to Brothers Johnson songs. Colombia is where drug dealers and the CIA work

I think that was it for all the Joes that don't come from US. If your suprised remember, this is a xenophobic intolerant line of action figures designed to get stupid ass kids to join the army. At least there was more stuff than Tom Jacks.