Websites we totally miss

The Joe community has had a bunch of tools who like everything, a lot of poorly designed websites and a few that kicked a lot of ass that no longer exist or aren't updated. Here's a few I wish were still around:

Zartans Domain. Too bad a negative comment about a shitty comic got guys pissed off enough to report censored drawings of toys fucking.

The Cobra Cabana http://www.geocities.com/amazingaman/cobracabana.html the dio stories on this are better than a certain one featuring a biblepuncher, or one where HIT AND RUN ESCAPES IN THE VERMONTILLIAN RAINFOREST

Felix DeCobra's website, man this guy knew how to army build stuff, because like 12 mint and complete Crimson Guards is way better than 80 Wave 1.5 Vipers

The G.I.Joe Warfare dios, hey good stories and ya know not writing in characters because you gotta show guys you like Obscure dudes!

Extensive Enterprises, fuck I can't even remember which this site was about it's been so long.

The BADDEST MEN ON EbAY: Fuck you guys Wolves and sewer grates are the best

Raven's castings, I'd much rather have bootleged hasbro weapons that I know won't fuck my figure's hands up.

Anyways this list was a lot bigger in my head, but I totally forgot a lot of them because nowadays the community is so fractured into "Idiots" and "Regular dudes" and then the idiots have stuck themselves into Site with to many rules 1 Site With to Many Rules and an outdated Archive, and A site full of new fans and lenient moderation. And this site I hope

Toys R Us 6 Packs

For a while, the only way to get a decent new G.I.Joe was through the Toys R Us 6 packs, since the regular figures were body building monkey armed pinheaded macho types, with problems far greater than "GODDAMN THIS ANNHILATOR IS COOL BUT PUMPKIN ORANGE, WEAK MAN" so I'm going to criticize these 6 packs for fun some were good but did they sustain popularity? (no)


Tiger Force: First off all this set wasn't even a fucking six pack but I can't think of another mold I would want to see painted orange and blue. The 88 Tiger Force were okay figures some were bad like Lifeline and Bazooka. While others like Flint and Duke and Roadblock and Recondo were really cool. Then in the 90s Europe got 6 really ugly motherfuckers, the most useful one is Outback and he looks like Santa goddamn claus, so in 2003 when they decided to make them they used the Euro scheme. Gee thanks Hasbro.

Python Patrol: In 89 they had a really goofy idea of "let's repaint the old figures and make money!" and then decided to use 3 different colorschemes, and made the trooper unable to hold his gun, I've got five and can't get a goddamn gun in their hands fuck those guys. So in 2003 they redid them but this time instead of using cool figures like Cobra Officer and Strato Viper they used fucking Laser Viper and SAW viper and gave them a maroon and black scheme and a ton of Gold paint. They looked like prostitutes or drag queens or something

I can't remember which came next so I'm claiming it's the one with Mutt. This set was probably the best Joe set even though it had weird Steel Brigade helmets, But hey it gave the fans what they wanted, useless obscure characters who no one actually uses.

Cobra Infantry 6 Pack: This was an amazing set it featured at least one brand new part, it had everything people liked, vintage looking figures, cool colors, army builders and only army builders no Major Bludd, Destro, Jesus, Metal Head, Dreadnoks, Storm Shadow, Major Altitude or Firefly. Although the weapons sucked they were still better than some of the 2 pack figures.

Night Force: Hey let's use Funskool molds also let's give them ridiculously busy uniforms and take Tracker out and put in the British guy, but that British guy just happens to be G.I. Joe but hey what the fuck people don't care about Tracker. Also ROADBLOCK LOOKS SPOOKED

Ninja 6 pack: Hey let's pack two awesome red ninjas, a decent black ninja and a cool Storm Shadow with two AWFUL female figures with ugly ass wall paper patterns on them, because painted details work well on a figures compared to molded details on the ones in the same damn set. Also what the fuck kind of ninja weapon is a Duffel bag?

Desert Team!: Ugh, you get a lowlight made from two figures, you've got awful detailing, and terrible figures, like Dusty with a stretcher head who looks like he's got a neck brace. Or Stalker with no Mustache and random silver rings on his shoulders, also another Tunnel Rat

Uh I dunno what came next so I'll mix three Cobra profiles into one! The Crimson guard sets: 2 were the same but with a different leader Tomax or Xamot, but the CG's still sucked with their awful REMOVABLE HELMET heads that looked like a bad custom by some dude with a screen name like "COBRARATHOVERCRAFTFIREFLYZARTAN1993" "Jasongijoe" or something else stupid. Also there was one where it was 6 CG's in black (yeah, real fuckin' crimson) and Ninja weapons, seriously what the fuck?

Arctic Team: Hell yeah that guy from Battle Force 2000, in 2006. Hell yeah another Snake Eyes, and Stalker, hell yeah Lowlight's Sniper and bi-pod in the same color it was in 86, what the fuck? why is Mirage clear! hell yeah the Snowjob mold as some other guy again!, .hell yeah that guy from 1988 who was an arctic guy as Short Fuse!

Urban Division: Ugh Ninja Force Storm Shadow, ugh Firefly again, hey Scrap Iron!. For some reason this set had a ton of characters and a ton of different color schemes, atleast the Flak Viper didn't suck.

Imperial Procession: Ugly

Greenshirts: More like greenshit

Night Watch: Very disapointing would have been better if they didn't be lazy and used the 04 Trooper mold.

Yeah, looking back those 6 packs were hella goofy but some good figures came out of it.

Johnny Turk reviews the 25th:

As a roadie for E.L.O. I have a lot of disposable income and a lot of free time since those niggas haven't toured in like 30 years or something. Anyways I'm reviewing the 25th jerks I own:

Storm Shadow: Nigga what kinda of ninja dresses up as little red riding hood. 1/10

Red Ninja: Man what's with the ginormus fireplace poker? 4/5

Hawk: Hell yeah forgettable figure from 82, what the fuck is with the gloves? B-

Stalker: Hell yeah black guy with a mustache and a knife (you see one Willie Horton you've seen them all) this guy is good except that he should check out the skin on his hands, motherfucking wrinkly The Subhumans (9/10)

Cobra/Cobra Officer/Cobra AIR TROOPER: Not bad better than the fucking Neo Viper

Cobra Commander: Atleast his back isn't flat this time 6/10

Flash: Dude your ugly but better than Sci Fi

Grand Slam: Dude, why the fuck did they make you? 0/0

Joes from places not America. ALSO DR. HENRY E. MILLER IS IN THE KKK

Big Ben: Had grenades that makes him cooler than Dusty

Back Stop: Canadian, has ugly pants. Died I hope

Skymate: Pink hat? More like Manmate am i rite

Switch Gears: He comes from Columbia not Colombia. Columbia is place where people wear club monaco t-shirts and listen to Brothers Johnson songs. Colombia is where drug dealers and the CIA work

I think that was it for all the Joes that don't come from US. If your suprised remember, this is a xenophobic intolerant line of action figures designed to get stupid ass kids to join the army. At least there was more stuff than Tom Jacks.