How To Post on a G.I. Joe message board

1. Always agree with everything someone else says. G.I. Joe fans are childish and dislike those with different opinions

2.Post the exact same message at every other G.I. Joe message board. Other websites need too know that your website that's based on celebrating custom action figures is having a celebration about custom action figures. Or maybe you want hits for dio story of a bad computer generated chick fingerbanging herself on a VAMP*

3.Make a poll about something. Jerks love polls, they get too see everyone thinks the way they do, there's probably been about 900 "which army builder pack do u want?" polls since 1998.

4.Use a shitty joke that wasn't funny 6 years ago. 

5.If someone is respected for something, you have too claim they're "the god of whatever it is" Are you good at making shitty playsets out of foamcore? well your not as good as some old dude who using really bad techniques makes things that look more cluttered and embarassing than a grandma's miniture hutch. Did you do a real cool dio story (is that possible?) Well you probably won't get the kudos you deserve because you didn't make a boring one about god, or drag out Hit And Run being in prison for like 4 fucking years.

6.Talk like G.I. Joe is a socially respectable hobby. Don't make mention of a cashier giving you a dirty look for buying toys, unless you think she's a liberal. Then call her a cunt and make a joke about Big Brawler

7.If you run a site, beg for money. Who cares if your a republican and belive in asking for a hand up not a hand out, you need to wear a kilt. Who cares if it's not even one that makes you look like your proud of your heritage and instead makes you look like a goddamn tourist, you've got all sorts of nerds paying for it!

8.Make weird comments that allude too you jerking off to pictures of Covergirl or something

There's probably more but fuck I rarely post on message boards nowadays, mainly because I tend not too follow point 1. oh well, if you think of them let us know!

*I totally didn't make that joke up. Thanks too the rad dude who made joke too me, Your a good guy!

SMASH THE STATE PRESENTS: STUPID SHIT SAID THIS WEEK!

Greetings friends! Toy collectors are weird, here’s the dumbest/creepiest/funniest shit jerks have said this week:

ARGH CUSTOMER SERVICE PEOPLE DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ACTION FIGURES AS ME: Just ONCE I think it'd be funny as hell if the clerk working the returns desk had a working knowledge of action figures and said (in this case for instance), "Excuse me, but this isn't Double Clutch. It's Duke. You've obviously stolen the Clutch figure and replaced it with this Duke figure which you got who knows where. Not only am I not giving you a refund for this, I'm calling security and I'm going to have you arrested for shoplifting."

Some guy with a serious problem that results in drawing (and probably masturbating to) naked lady toys: Man, I just wish there was a place on the internet for my love of Scarlett's distress.
I mean, there's girls eating poop out of each other's butts, and that's okay somewhere,
but I can't find a place for stuff that took me 20 years to learn how to do.

Some dude who likes Ambush: “Ambush was very memorable in that I always thought he was astrailian or british, I think it was the mustashe (I had only seen it on peoples from those contrys at the time). Still I liked him a great deal.”

With this attitude it’s going to stay like that: "YEAH YOU SEEN ME AT EVERY TARGET TOYS R US WAL-MART K-MART STOP N SHOP IN THE COUNTY
IM THAT GUY BUYING JOES FOR HIMSELF NOT HIS KID
CUZ I DONT HAVE ONE "

Overactive imagination, underactive brain:
watching the new mummy got me think about 2 things. wo wold win between a werewolf and a yeti? and who do you think would win between jackie chan and jet li? you can vote twice, once in the werewolf vs yeti, and once in the jackie chan and jet li.


The Mike “de aco” Fountain saga (these are all by the same guy):
“Who is Mike Fountain?”
“Why is he the baddest on ebay?what is his id?”
“Is Mike De Aco the biggest foreign gi joe collector in US?


Preety sure your incorrect: “Pretty sure these DVD box sets are the Best Joe product to hit shelves since at least 1991.”

We Tried!: “(BTW, anybody wanna hire a very reasonably priced freelance writer and photographer?)”
GOD DAMNIT I WANT MY TOYS CHEAP: “Family dollar--apparently-- has raised prices. I found two televipers, which had the $2 sticker on them, but they rang up $3 each. I didn't get to buy them because I had no cash, and their worthless debit machine was down.”

Some dude who totally underestimates the cheapness and retardation of G.I. Joe fans, and to answer his final question, everywhere: If you go to walmart or TRU right now they will have these big $100+ toys sitting on shelves. They are there..TRUST ME... NOW, if you boxxed up GOOD, BIG joe stuff..you know what..?? IT WOULD ALL BE GONE..

If hasbro got the BALLS to repack the Flagg or even better , the DEFIANT, and put $400 on it..you know what? you wouldent be able to find one...

I am just VERY disappointed with the quality and boxxed presentation of the vehicles...

Where am I going wrong here?

Hey it’s someone following the Mantra, also how the fuck are they reaching out to you if your not interested?: “Matt Trakker...while I could care less about MASK, today and in the 1980s, I DO give the design team an A+ for reaching out to make us, the collector, happy.”

That's all this week, sorry it was so long, but people are stupid!

Really bad G.I. Joe vehicles!

A while back Dr. Henry E. Miller criticized Cobra's vehicles like the shitter shitello, and since I doubt anyone cares about the "PIN THE BLAME ON TOM JACKS BECAUSE HE'S UNFIRABLE" legal drama plans, I'll yell at terrible G.I. Joe vehicles:

1983 PAC/RATS: Hell yeah robots man! you've got the missle launcher that would be empty in a minute, the machine gun that's got more firepower than every arctic vehicle prior to 1988, and the flame throw, because nothing says defend freedom and liberty like a robot that goes and sets people different from you on fire.

1984 S.H.A.R.C. fuck this ugly thing, it defies common sense, it's retarded and the only thing worse than this is it's driver.

1985:Silver Mirage man what the hell, it's like some old timey WWII nazi motorbike with the sidecar, and that dumbass backsheild thing aren't going to save you from the fact it's a goddamn death trap. Now i'm not a guy who does the following: Ride motorcycles, Fight a war so some old dude can get rich off my young blood, or enjoy the musical stylings of one Phil Collins, but I'm pretty sure if your on a motorbike firing a goddamn missle off it could probably cause a problem.

Snowcat: Cool an oddly shaped, useless arctic vehicle. Couldn't a gun atleast be sculpted on? Honestly after those 4 missles and 2 Ski PEDOS are fired the damn thing is useless "LOOK OUT COBRA WE'LL GET YOU WITH OUR WINDSHIELD WIPER"

Forward Observer: Fuck that tent.

1986:LCV recon sled. Yeah I totally want to drive on some weird ass thing where I have to lie on my el stomacho and look through a periscope.

Outpost Defender: Hell yeah what looks to be sheet metal, drift wood and a pile of sandbags, I didn't think the joes had THAT many hillbillies

1987 Coastal Defender: Hell yeah a shed on a trailer bed, those hillbillies sure were popular in the late 80s

Defiant: Yes those terrorists on the moon sure are gonna take us out!

Battle Force 2000's stuff, man fuck this garbage.

I could go on and on but basically it's just worse from here on out

The Dreadnoks as the Misfits

Me and the fine Doctor know a lot about punk rock, that's why we don't go "There is a huge difference between the "punk look" of the 80's and the "punk look" these days" when we talk about fucking Monkeywrench. But hey we're not like most joe fans, we aren't crazy ass republicans and/or emotionally stunted man children who wind up falling back to toys because girls don't understand them or they married the first woman to give them a handjob. But hey what the fuck I'll tell you 1 guy about how the Dreadnoks could be construed as chariactures of the Misfits, a Horrocore punk band that was pretty bad, is merchandised to hell and back and has spawned a good band that has an Italian.

Glenn Danzig, he would be Zartan, they both don't wear shirts, and are a lot lamer than people think

Bobby Steele (gimpy leg an all) would be Thrasher. They have the same hair and both have a cane

Jerry Only would be Zanzibar: they both suck and have horrible hair

Buzzer would be Arthur Googy: The goog fought with Danzig over cheeseburgers, I could see that hapening with Buzzer and Zartan.

I'll do the other guys at a later date, because hey fuck you I don't want to write about homosexuals and people from New Jersey all that much