G.I. Joe fandom personality templates

I'm sure I've probably said this like 4 times already (There's atleast 2 posts in which the "golden year" of 1985 is disected, but hey fuck you) but there's nothing I've got planned too yell about at this moment, oh and if we remember we're gonna spam the Joe Movie ending the day it comes out PLEASE REMIND US. Anyways there are like 8 types of jerks who are involved in G.I. Joe

1. Guy who is really positive. For some reason these types always do reviews, and they always skip a figures faults, yet they're never called out for it. Yeah well I don't care that you don't think you should mention poor paint masks and that your Comic Pack Falcon's joints are frozen because "Well everyone should be used too them by now" I don't remember my Duke having his goddamn forehead be yellow because machines twenty five years ago could do their damn job.

2. The Overly negative. These guys have two types: Wicked sick cats like me and Dr. Henry E. Miller and most of you dudes reading this (Except the Broca Blutch guys if they're even alive, mainly because you cats gave effort, real negative cats are lethargic and like the Dictators we steal really common stuff but totally change it a bit) 

The other type is someone who bitches about every thing, yet never get any grief for it, those guys are pussies.

3. Bullshit Action Figure Authorities. These are dudes who people listen too mainly because they write their stuff out like they know what their talking about, however they never actually spout out anything requiring proof. Pretty much it's dudes spouting their opinions like they're facts but they're smart enough to not say anything that could be disproven. 

4. Actual Authorities. Sometimes these dudes are cool and say things of importance, sometimes they're personality is also mixed with something else (like Really postive guy) and then you have too ignore them. I don't have any problems with some of these guys since one dude once told me that one of the comic packs was gonna have Dragonosky and the other two Ruskies no one likes

5. Guy who integrates all sorts of 1:18 scale REALISM bullshit, these dudes tend to be from places that aren't North America (Except Norway that place is rockin' because one dude from their comes here, we love you mysterious Norway homie) and just post pictures.

6. Dudes who love god. A LOT. In the Pat Robertson vein not the John Rydgren vein, Usually involves customs of Ministers or JESUS TREE FORTS WITH FLAK CANNONS TOO KILL FAGGOTS, ACTIVIST JUDGES AND KOREANS

7. I dunno you cats are pretty great so, SMASH THE STATE fans. Number 1 group of Joe fans too not marry the first chick who gave them a handjob.

8. Rednecks, some how people in the States have been so dumbed down they write things like this: "yap ran out of room cause i have so many differnt line of toy some complete some not."

So yes, I think I was probably reaching after the first paragraph but I figure you guys should jump in a lake!

Questions get answered and shit

Smash the State Figure Review, ya know the best website on the internet (aside from the Cobra Cabana) has an in at Hasbro (Dr. Henry E. Miller's cousin is married to the secretary of the guy who says "right on boss" at all the meetings) and so we get are Q's A'd or something.

1. Eh yo Hasbro what was a better album Gordon Lightfoot's Sundown or Rank and File's Sundown?

Well  we're very excited about the premise of both albums but we have no plans too support Rank and File's due too their connection too "wishing cops were all dead" Nor can we reveal any insight on Canadian matters at this time

2. What's with Ripcord being black, you should realize that Joe fans A. dislike change and B. dislike something else, fill in the blanks we got enough lawsuits already

While we know many of our fans are upset about this change, we don't feel we can release specific information about race demographics, wait until the movie too learn more!

3.Why don't you give Smash The State the collectors club license, we're totally cool guys

We'll have too look into that one but there is no offical word on that yet

4. Who would win in a fight, Dracula or Jesus?

There is no plan to do anything but make G.I. Joe a Top-Tier brand

5. Did I make a good trade of the following "3 MOC Star Brigade Astro Vipers and a copy of Out of the Blue" for The Child Molesters first single and a bottle of Jack Daniels in 1994?

Absolutley G.I. Joe's aren't worth any cultural significance, that amazing cover of DON'T WORRY KYOKO should be in the smithsonian, however you should have hit your trading partner with a bottle of JD and taken back that ELO album back it's got Turn too Stone!

Hey Hasbro

According to some dude on the internet apparently you guys read this site, and are going to sue us for libel or something I wasn't paying attention anyways if you sue, please remember Ralph Nader, Levar Burton, Bobby Steele, and a bunch of dudes with a lot of money will help me, and it was Tom Jacks who did that shit anyways.

Jerks are going to pay a lot of money for this

The Collectors Club "free" figure, ya know the one that you get for your 42 bucks you get a figure that's been released twice in sets that have been army built, now you get one that matches your 300 dollar ugly group of figures like small head Destro and glued helmet Gnawgahyde. Of course you might be one of the unlucky ones who gets sent the 12 inch "BLACK TALKING COMMANDER" I truly hope that means he can speak jive.

Hey fuck you

Well it's been one year and me and Dr. Henry E. Miller (Who is going to fight Eric Blume in the opening round of a gay rodeo in Utah soon) have continuously half assed thinly veiled threats towards people like Thomas Wheeler, Mike Fountain, and the roman catholic church on a semi regularly basis. So thank you, you three people who have read this, your almost as big a hero as the Doctor.

Also Tom Jacks Esquire is a useless guy and I'd fire him if I knew how to.


Peace out!

BIG LOBB MAKES HIS MOVE!

Big Lobb was fucking awesome and totally deserves a figure because he's cool.

Scared white Joe fans don't like him because hes a loud black guy who's good at sports. I'd rather have him then that fucking lame-a-noid from MASK, oh wait I'm not buying those lame fucking figures I spend my money on much cooler short sighted investments, like the original 1978 printing of the Disco Sucks single.