Thursday, May 15, 2008

Lets go crazy, lets go nuts, lets put on a purple bananna till our glider snaps in two!

Yes, thats a Prince reference, no It doesn't make any sense.


For every Stinger, Rattler and HISS Cobra had there was some vehicles that were well, useless. From the absurd to the impractical, lets take a look:


The Viper Glider:

Made out of the same material as a knock-off Dixie cup (Yes, they do exist) this thing came out of the box snapped in two, or exploded on contact with a particle of dust, also why the hell would cobra need gliders? They have tanks, guys with metal masks, a dude with an awesome last name and a leader who wielded a hairdryer as a weapon. The "Viper-pilot" was the original rare figure in the Joe line, and I'm happy to say mine was butchered into a custom at an early age. The joes also had one, and it was the same useless hunk of junk as the Cobra one, also it came with a tan Grunt. Who can be found with broken arms and cracked torsos thanks to all the times the glider caught a downwind and smacked into the driveway. Whoever the guy is who thought this would be a good idea is a jerk.

The Cobra Stellar Stilletto.

More like the Shitter Shitello. Okay, lemme break it down for you here, Cobra has no business in space, GI Joe has no business in space. There was nothing "Stellar" about a giant red spear shaped thing that I can't use realistically with the rest of my planes. It did have a pretty good driver though.

Cobra Battle Barge:

What happens if it gets caught on some reeds or something? This thing has no motor, just 3 guns
and a device to get HBO on illegally. I like how the boxart depicts 3 of the lamest figures ever made driving it. I guess Cobra could use this thing to fish off of.


Cobra Battle Field Robot Hovercraft:

Its a goddamned mattress with some guns! It also has the atypical cobra armament of "Lots of red missiles"

Destros Dominator:

It's a tank, that becomes a helicopter! HOW COOL! Too bad it can't hold it self up and is held together and doesn't make sense as a tank or a helicopter.

Cobra STUN:

Two guns that are way too big

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