Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Baddest Man On E-bay: The Mike Fountain Story

His wars with Corey Stinson are the stuff of legend, him and his gang "The Baddest Men on E-bay" terrorized both E-bay and the GI Joe News Group throughout the early 2000's. He was Mike Fountain, a legend in his own mind, and one the BADDEST MEN ON E-BAY.

We at Smash The State are all about our history, and tonight we dig through the GI Joe Newsgroup and find Mike Fountains greatest hits. From foreign figures for sale to challenging Corey Stinson to a fist fight, its all here!

Lets take a stroll down memory lane:

http://www.fortunecity.com/marina/havana/273/

Nothing like a page right out of 1996 threatening to out bid me on E-bay.

" We are small in number and we like it that way.... More people out there for us to hunt.We are the ones that come out of no where and take that item you have been watching all week!!We might be after you next!!"

Oh man I'm scared now, THAT 600 DOLLAR NINJA KU WILL NEVER BE MINE NOW!

He called himself "Mike De Aco" and was a jerkoff, this is one of his earliest newsgroup postings:

"Plain, dead, and simple the Cobra Mortal from Argentina
is the rarest and most valuable Joe ever made. Makes a Gold Head and a
Manimal look sick. The filecard is located on our website.
http://www.fortunecity.com/marina/havana/273/
Over and out!
De-Aco"

Some of Mikes greatest hits throughout the years:

"Corey it seems that since you keep failing to beat me on Ebay, you
have to come here to get in some cheap shots. This off the court talk is
nothing. When you can outright beat me on something you can talk, but
you have yet to do that. So Corey cry to your mommy or someone else that
cares, because I do not and I am here to stay."

And sometimes one of his "Elite" "Baddest men" would show up:

CoreyChumpStinson
Still buggin about the day we met, huh!!
Well thank you for mentioning me it shows that
you do recognize who your superiors are. I'm
gonna say this, people know we exists and we will
remain for the benefit of us and to save money in
our pursuit for the ultimate collection. I have
mentioned in my me page that this is all for fun
so all you cry babies need to leave us alone.
Collecting is suppose to be fun and this is fun
to see bitch ass busters (C. Stinson) cry about
this. Your whinning encourages me. I love to prey
on the WEAK!!! Survival of the fittest fool! And
to everyone that also is bad mouthing my very
good friend Mike Fountain F@#K all of you and
take your Joes and shove'em up your a$$! Mike is
a very nice and fun person that enjoys collecting
and takes it seriously. Don't give him any of
your B.S. If you (C. Stinson) got a problem w/ me
or my very good friend (De-Aco) then cut the
whinning grow some bigger balls, bid higher and
you MIGHT get what you want instead of losing it
to us.
Still one of the "Baddest Men On Ebay"
tonymontanna

Let's
cut this B.S. public anouncment an handle it on
the battle field. People no we exist and we will
remain, to save money and get our Joes. If you
want, grow bigger balls bid higher and maybe you
might get something you want instead of losing it
to me. Ebay is for people who have fun collecting
and one way of having fun is listening to you cry
so I'll keep doing what I'm doing and you keep on
crying and losing, but cut the B.S. and handle
your bussiness on the battlefield (Ebay).

E-bay is serious business! Because its a BATTLEFIELD.

"It is very rare that we show our cards on the really big items until the
end of the auction. Yeah, we might throw a couple early bids here or
there in hopes to steal something at a low price, but as we all know to
get those hard to find Joes, you have to snipe. So no one has any idea
who is going to show up at the last second, but you will never find The
Baddest Men showing up on the same item."

And it continued:

"Once again, Corey, open mouth insert foot. You really need to re-read
The Baddest Men On Ebay page. We always talk s*** to each other when we
get beat. Even worse than we do to you. So once again you are talking
out your a**, with no clue of what you are talk about. Yet another
chapter in the book.
I am highly competitive. If you cannot hang with the big dogs, stay at
home and keep your dog Toto with you. "

"I am outspoken and fearless, I do not care what others say. I walk with
my head up high, to know that all you people sit around your house
speculating about me. I now know that so many people know my name and
people that do not know it call me sir. All of this goes to show that I
have put fear into your mortal hearts. I have two of the bigger threads
on this board devoted to me. So worry about reconstructing your own
life. "

"
Sucks when you are made to look like a damn fool, don't it??

De-Aco
One of The Baddest Men On Ebay! "

"De-Aco the sniper!! Ain't that right Corey? You know it cause I've out
sniped your ass evertime you tried me.
Yeah, Corey you are still a dumb ass! Tony said, he would shoot you. I
said, I would throw you across the world. Kinda ass backwards, ain't
ya?...... My offer still stands but you are a punk with a keyboard. Type
on, but we all know who the baddest men are!"

" Oh, how nice the fu*kboys ride again! Well, Corey like I told you after
your last post against me. Which told me/Tonymontanna to meet you at a
Joe show. Meet me in the middle and I will let you find out first hand
what this baddest baddest sh*t is all about! "

"Once again Corey you are ass backwards..... LOL!! Tony said he would
shoot you. I said, "I would throw your ass back home." I am the baddest,
until you can prove other wise I will stand a top. Cause my record shows
on snipes, you are all loses against me! Sucks don't it? But facts are
facts, and you are the loser!

Over and out!

De-Aco

P.S. Mine is bigger then yours, ask your fat ugly wife! "

Keep in mind, these are all over the span of a year, across five or six different threads.


Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Master Collector doesn't reply to my email

Some how I wound up on the mastercollector mailing list. So instead of being polite and requesting off I trolled those guys, too bad they didn't reply, anyways here it is: SIR OR MADAMN YOU SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN THIS JOHNNY TURK CONFUSED WITH ANOTHER. IT IS VERY COMMON NAME, SEE. THIS E-MAIL IS USED TOO DISCUSS HARDCORE PUNK ROCK MUSIKS WITH MEN, I DO NOT WISH TO RECEIVE YOUR CONSUMER FACIST PROPAGANDA, YA SEE THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR AS I DID NOT SIGN UP. I DID CHECK YOUR WEBSIGHT AND IT IS A HARD NAVIGATION, I WOULD POST THIS ON YOUR BBS HOWEVER I (A TECHNOLOGY MAN) COULD NOT FIGURE IT OUT. THIS IS NOT CHILDREN IN HEAT MAN.Cellophane sex, a new way of life
With your heart in your throat
And the other alive
You've been pissin', pissin' blood
Pissin' blood for seven days. GLENN DANZIG IS VERY TALENTED SING. DO YOU LIKE HIM, I LIKE HIM MUCH MORE THAN JERU. HOW ABOUT DEAD KENNEDYS (NO THE)


Master collector if you read this (Please do, we totally meant every negative comment, and all that praise we didn't write but felt because your getting like 3 wendy's checks)

Monday, June 9, 2008

Exclusive! Leaked pages from the GI Joe Live Action Script!

Since we're kool guyz like Sgt Savage and Eagle Eye Joe we have contacts at Hasbro that leak us EXCLUSIVE INFORMATION and one of our FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES leaked us a few pages from the upcoming GI Joe Live Action Movie!

Smash The State is on the cutting edge!

Here it is, from a script titled "GI JOE VS LIBERAL BUDGET CUTS (EARLY WORKING TITLE)"

The first scene is from the ORIGIN OF SNAKE EYES portion of the movie:

IN THE SCHOOL YARD IS WEAR ALL THE KIDS MEET IN THERE GRADES AREA. SNAKE EYES SEES A ALL THE KIDS KILLING A BIRD. SNAKE EYES HEAR THE BIRDS CRIES . IT IS SCREAMING FOR HELP. THE BELL RINGS. ALL THE KIDS ARE LINING UP GOING IN THE SCHOOL.SNAKE EYES WALKS UP TO SEE THE BIRD ON THE FLORE. HE LOOKS AT IT. THEN HE PICKS IT UP AND PETS IT. THE WORLD IS SPINNING AROUND ALL IN THE BACK GROUND IS OUT OF FOCUS.THEN THE BIRDS WINGS FLAP. IN THE CLASS ALL THE KIDS ARE WHISPERING DID HE BRING BACK THE BIRD.KEAVEN LOOKS AT SNAKE EYES. WITH EVIL INTENSION. AT THE SCHOOL YARD. KEAVEN WALKS BUT TO SNAKE EYES.GABRIEL SMILES AT KEAVEN.

GABRIEL:

HOW CAN I HELP YOU ?

KEAVEN:

I WANT YOU DEAD.

SNAKE EYES:

WELL I DON'T TO DIE. SO I GUESS I CAN NOT HELP..

KEAVEN:

YOU AND ME TONIGHT. HEAR AT 8.

SNAKE EYES:

IT IS DARK AT THAT TIME. I CAN'T GO OUT THAT.

KEAVEN:

YOU BETTER.

SNAKE EYES:

OK.

FIGHT WITH KEAVEN IT IS DARK AT THE SCHOOL YARD. THE SUN SETTING. THE BRICK SCHOOL GLOWING BRIGHT RED. WITH THE GROUND BLACK. THERE IS KEAVEN WALKING FROM THE SOUTH AND SNAKE EYES FROM THE NORTH. THEY STOP AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

SNAKE EYES:

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.

KEAVEN:

YOU SCARED? YOU SHOULD BE, I TAKE ON 5TH GRADERS ALL THE TIME.

SNAKE EYES:

NO I AM NOT SCARED, BUT YOU ARE.

KEAVEN THROWS A PUNCH ON SNAKE EYES.(Frisbee SHOT OF KEAVENS HAND GOING AT SNAKE EYES. THEN SNAKE EYES FLIES BACK TEN FEET.LONG ANGEL SLOW motion. SEEING HIM FACE UP DEAD CENTER IN THE FRAME WHILE THE BACK IS SHOOTING THE GAVEL. SNAKE EYES MOVING HIS ARMS. THEN HITS THE SIDE THE WALL.GOES TO NORMAL MOTION. WHEN HE FALLS DOWN. HIT THE GROUND HARD IN ONE SOLID SHOT. GABRIEL GETS UP BUT NEEDS TO USE THE WALL FOR SUPPORT. KEAVEN STARTS FOR A RUN. GABRIEL LOOKS AT KEAVEN THEN LOOKS AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL. LOOKS AT KEAVEN AGAIN THINKS HE IS PICKING HIM UP. KEAVEN IS OPEN IN THE AIR. GABRIEL MENTALLY THROWS KEAVEN INTO THE WALL FAST.KEAVEN IS IN MASSIVE PAIN. (SOUNDS OF HIS BONES CRACK.) KEAVEN SHATTERED IN PAIN. SCREAMING IN PURE AGONY.GABRIEL GETS UP AND LOOKS ONLY ONCE AT WHAT HE HAS DONE.THEN WALKS AWAY.

SNAKE EYES WALKS IN TO A NEW SCHOOL THIS TIME IT IS BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE LAST SCENE. SNAKE EYES HAS THE SAME OLD LOOK. HE WALKS UP AND SEES ALL THE KIDS COMING IN TO THIS SUMMER CAMP. HE FEW GROUPS OF BOYS HANGING OUT.TWO GIRLS ON THE BLEACHERS TALK ALL ALONE FROM THE REST. SEES A BOY THAT IS A LONER. SNAKE EYES WALKS UP TO HIM.

SNAKE EYES:

I FEEL LIKE THIS PLACE IS CHAOS.

BIG LOBB:

THIS IS THE WORST THEY HAD IT. I THINK THIS CAN BE A TOUGH SUMMER.

SNAKE EYES:

DON'T WORRY.. I GOT YOUR BACK. THERE NOT WHAT I FEAR.

BIG LOBB:

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

SNAKE EYES

I'M A GUY WHO KNOWS THINGS.

BIG LOBB:

THEN WHAT DO YOU GOT TO FEAR? (DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT )

Man this movie looks like it could be the biggest summer blockbuster of all time!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

The Dreadnoks don't look like "punk rockers"

From The Desk Of The Esteemed Doctor Henry Edward Miller:


Theres this horrible, oft-repeated line of bullshit throughout the joe fanbase that somehow, the Drednoks, a biker gang from Austrailia who dress like the bad guys from Death Wish 3:


Are somehow "Punk Rockers" or "Have the Punk look". Listen, I know 90 percent of joe fans have led sheltered life's and their musical interests don't really expand past such great fat music acts such as "Nickelback" and "Slayer" or "Travis Trit" and that they have a force-fed media perception of all "subcultures" that they, grown men who buy children's toys, do not fall into.

I knew plenty of punk rockers back in the 80's and I know quite a few nowadays, and for the most part, there just normal dudes who wear T-shirts with Ronald Reagan on them and wear bluejeans, not guys who look like they hang out with the Giggler. So next time you see some slightly overweight loser who probably has a patchy goatee on an internet message board try and tell you that the Dreadnoks are TYPICAL PUNK ROCKERS tell him that hes a dumb fuck.

Besides, the Dreadnoks are fucking lame, if they were a punk band they would be T.S.O.L.

*BOMB SQUAD*



THIS FIGURE DOESN'T FALL ON IT'S FACE!

Funskool Tripwire is probably the best G.I. Joe figure released after 2001, he's got an original accesory which I think hasn't been done for an O ring figure since like 1993, also he's got a far better and intricate paintscheme than any of the Amerikan versions only jerks don't see the good aspects of a purple uniform, a bright orange vest cause ya know he just finds bombs he isn't killing gooks and cobras, and his specialty is announced on his goddamn vest, so fuck you if you disagree.