DIO STORIEZ PART 2: THRU THE EEEEYES OF DA ENNEMY

A while back I made post scrutinizing dio stories, and I'm back to do it some more. Now I've already mentioned "Bad photography" "Refrences to Jesus" and probably other things but I'm not going back to read it so if I cover something twice, it's because I can.

-Bad posing and sets. Nothing can ruin your dio story about The G.I.Joe team liberating the south from the terrorists than it taking place on your dirty kitchen floor with a goddamn case of Mello Yello in the background. Or maybe the setting is the HQ (with mysterious brown stains) however I don't want to see your goddamn kitchen table in the background with 11 1993 Battle Corps neon guys just lying there while the guys in the HQ look like they're those jerks who bend their elbows but never move their arms away from their torso.

Also, I guess I wouldn't want to see a Dio Story about liberating the south anyways so maybe the kitchen table doesn't matter much.

-Random outfit changes and character introductions. Oh hey Stalker is wearing his 1997 get up this is pretty cool, 8 scenes later he's wearing a black shirt and a neon green jacket and has grown a goatee, now I'm no doctor but that doesn't make a lot of sense. Also when your reading it and suddenly some other jerk is now in the squad that is fighting COBRA COMMAND in the jungles of south america that ya know happens to be trees after the leaves changed and fell and pine trees is really fucking stupid. Honestly if you can't keep the attention of someone who sought out this thing because you have a similar hobby then you must've gotten an F in creative writing.

The Doctors Short Takes; Part 2

From The Desk Of The Esteemed Doctor Henry Edward Miller:

Gang mentality.

I shouldn't be surprised, being a fanbase full of republicans and crucifucks who don't like to hear anything but their own spiel joe fans sure like to gang up on people who don't agree with the mob mentality. On a Popular Joe Message board, a respected member of the Joe Community was recently slammed by angry nerds for posting something that shook their little world like Micheal J Fox on his website. He didn't like the newest release of a repaint with psychical flaws (as mentioned in a previous post) included with a vehicle thats been thrown out like 5 times in the last six years. I guess you all have to like all the new figures or at least give an A FOR EFFORT on your website to really be a TOTALLY KOOL GUY.

There was people who ganged up on people they didn't agree with, and their name were "Nazis"

Just sayin'

The Doctors Short Takes Part 1:

From The Desk Of The Esteemed Doctor Henry Edward Miller:

Ever notice how, in almost every wave since the new sculpts started, that theres been one or more figure that has some kind of disabling construction aliment that makes it move, and sometimes look incredibly stupid. C.L.A.W's Commander and his lower arms, Blackout, a sniper whos supposed to you know, hold his rifle up to his face, can't do that with his shitty arms. Even the new 25th anniversary nerd money pit figures have these problems. It's 2008 can't we get a action figure that you know, a kid or a overweight single fuck can play with?

Because we sure as shit had them 20 years ago.

Generic Thomas Wheeler Post

Step 1: Topic about something boring and dull that no one really should care about (I hid a Shockwave re-issue at TRU for 3 weeks)

Step 2: Sound like an out of it old dude (Why did a 7 year old dress like a street thug with spiked hair, leather jacket and jeans)

editors note: What kind of thug wears that nowadays? Last gangsta I met was wearing an airbrushed Biggie t-shirt.

Step 3: Mention you take the bus

Step 4: Mention you live in an apartment

Step 5: Make a comment about your intelligence (I have an IQ of 139)

Step 6: Make a comment about being broke.

Step 7: Profit! well no actually I think this takes 18 dollars out of your bank account.

Dio stories part 1

If taking pictures of childrens toys is considered normal, you still probably can't justify taking pictures and then making a story about them. Dio stories are one way to get some neckbeards as friends because they want to know what happens when your darling character (usually an obscure jerk people don't like, like I dunno Countdown) gets his time in the sun. Here's a list of of some things that make them bad:

1. Awful photography. Gee it's blurry, or your pictures are all overexposed use lights or take photos when there isn't cloud cover jesus christ.

2. Awful sets. Hey guys I live in the northeast, my background in October is gonna make an awesome South America right? And don't forget the great TALL GRASS shots. The Tall Grass is such a common battlefield it's annoying. The only thing worse is the fucking sandbox of doom, nothing sez AMERICAN INGENUITY like a bunch of buildings with no roofs or back walls in the desert while fighting the TERRORISTS. Or the homemade ones, because foamcore looks like walls and tables are made out of a circle and a spool of thread.

3. Awful dialogue. You know I'm sure all the TERRERISTS the US fights use all the standard Military lingo, "COME ON EEL 45 WE GOTTA MEET THE GROUND POUNDERS 45 KLICKS TO THE WEST" And then use your friends last names to sound edgy "EEL 45 WHATS THE MATTER. EEL 45 COME IN. ARE YOU OKAY YAMADA-GARZA?" And if you want to differentiate, throw in allusions to god, and no one curses. Not drug dealers, not guys who just saw there best friends face turn into a pile of goo and not terrorists.

I've got way more gripes but this is enough for now, I'm sure all 4 of you stopped reading after the word "if'. I'll probably criticize that one fat guy next.

LOOK OUT THERE'S DRUG DEALERS!

Looks like this year's convention is gonna be about drug dealers, why can't they do something G.I.Joe fans actually deal with like COBRA attacks church with the powers of common sense, or Cobra attacks the republican national convention so that people can get health care and not get drafted, Joe fans would want to stop terrorism then!

Here's a pic of the first ugly figure:

Now all the drug dealers I've met haven't been white dudes with bad hair or skull belt buckles, also they didn't have poorly photoshopped shadows.

Also are the spears in the skull supposed to feed the scared white person's fear of dem dere spearchuckers

Stu Wilson Touches All The Bases

Stu Wilson's a pretty rad dude who's probably the only one who reads this blog, he has some hilarious videos on Youtube:

Like this one where he dances because hes not some lame insecure white guy like Thomas Wheeler

And he even makes Springsteen good

And he's got a blog that links to ours:

http://studiowilson.blogspot.com/

So yeah this doesn't talk about toys or jerks me and Johnny Turk don't like, but who cares, Stu's cooler then plastic children's toys or goofy punk rock.