The Battle Andriod Trooper is goddamned retarded and your all jerks for liking it.

From The Desk Of The Esteemed Doctor Henry Edward Miller

The year was 1986, a good year. Patrick Swayzes career was well and alive, The Cramps and Wang Chung released albums, it was the year of the Final Countdown, and as the rest of the modern world thrived, so did the Joe line.

Classics like Mr Fuji Roadblock, Beachhead, Low Light, Hawk and the original (and best) Viper flooded the shelfs.

But amongst this banner year for the Joe line, there was one of the stupidest things I'd seen to this point. The Battle Android Trooper, or B.A.T for those keeping score at home. This was one of the first steps towards the sci-fi nonsense that plagued the line in its later years, instead of another kickass Cobra trooper to blow up with the mountain howitzer we got some dumb fucking robot with really shortsighted weapons (Really, how the hell is he supposed to refill the grenade launcher or flame thrower?) according to the filecard, the B.A.T's are the "perfect trooper" then it goes on to mention that they shoot anything, and burst into flames like a Pinto when hit from behind, and that they are "incredibly cheap" well, shucks, I didn't know an advanced robot capable of blowing shit up was running so cheap these days! Guess they made them in Honduras or something.

The B.A.T was Hasbro's way of having lots of nameless, bloodless Cobra bad guys on the battlefield of the cartoon to get gunned down by the Joe's and there Red Lasers of goodness and fortitude and Jesus without blood, death or whining from parents about there children watching a cartoon portraying death that was made to be a 22 minute commercial for a toy that included guns and a strange dressed doctor who liked to experiment on people. Go figure, anyway the B.A.T hearkened in the beginning of the end of the line, as the more realistic figures faded out, we got figures like the B.A.T and Cobras who wanted to go space like Timothy Leary.

Unfortunately, Hasbro thought to make yet another B.A.T in 1991, this time with neon highlights and one of those spring loaded missile launcher backpacks, after that, we were treated to fourteen different versions in the new sculpt line, the doctor ignores these because the new sculpts are all pretty lame.

The Doctors Final Thoughts: The B.A.T I had as a kid ended up being a wacky robot sidekick to the EEL, they got into wacky adventures, usually involving the B.A.Ts fear of water and the EELs diabetes.

NEWZ U CAN UZE

Being a hip cat, I tend to be a guy who knows things. So here are some interesting factoids no one knows:

Stiches (remember that guy) happened to be a 4ft 9 Black man named Reginald who worked for the Massachusets beaureau of Tourist information.

The guy who ran Airtight's hostile enviroment was assaulted by hoodlums, and wound up closing his site.

Mike "DE ACO" Fountain was traded to Vancouver and the exchange rate killed his ability to drop 4 bills on Ninja Ku

Eagle Eye Joe would telephone and harass Hasbro for information about upcoming G.I.Joe's, that guy did it for like 6 years

BONUS: part 1 of some original dossiers I found on the web one time in no order:

1985. This is the pinnacle of Joe?

1985 is often hearalded as the pinnacle of the Joe line. But why is there a reason other than nostalgia?

Aside from Flint, Snow Serpent, Eel, Snake Eyes and the Crimson Guard it's a really weak line up. A yellow guy? a dude not wearing shoes, some dweeb in a football jersey, that isn't the realistic Military action figure we'd seen up until this point, this is something different.

There were some realistic figures but Dusty isn't much fun without a desert, and Footloose is an okay figure but he's one of the first examples of a figure made by his accesories, as without them he's pretty lame, plus his ugly head was used 3 damn times on figures worse than him each time. Shipwreck is okay as well, but he's really fucking useless since Sailors are on boats, they
don't go and fight terrorists in the city.

Since like one awesome dude reads this blog (2 if Dr. Henry E. Miller gets out of prison after he finishes up his 8 month bid for numerous crimes INCLUDING MURDA, and gets LIVE:At Cook County Prison recorded 4 wit good behaviour) I'll answer the questions regular riff-raff would ask.

"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHARACTERS?" well sure there were some good characters but I don't need Incesteous Siegfried and Roy powerbroking for Cobra Command, nor do I need dumb people fighting dudes.

"THERE WAS BETTER ARTICULATION" Not really, do I need my action figures to hold their heads down in shame? Nope, the 82-84 Heads can look upwards too, you gotta move the torso on both designs. This isn't worthy of the praise we should give swivel arm battle grip people.

"THEY RELEASED THE DREADNOKS THOUGH" Yeah, that's great, the best Enemy figures are year old designs.

"WHAT ABOUT THE VEHICLES?" Vehicles tended to be better than the figures, shit even 88 had a couple of good vehicles.

Really, if you guys think about it both '84 and '86 were much better years, 84 had Firefly, Storm Shadow, Zartan, Ripcord and a better fanboy wetdream figure than 85, whilst 86 was better designed figures (The prototypes show most 85's were to be in the superior 84 neck style, while the 86's were actually designed for that type of neck) and the 86 Cross Country is probably the best figure released in the "Horribly racist figure" category, and he has stiff competition from Spirt and Quick Kick.

1985 was probably the best year for designs that look really really homosexual 20 years later, I mean Tollbooth, the Dreadnoks, and Shipwreck shit that is way better than 86's Dr, Mindbender or the entire ninja force