A look at the Joes of 1982 and their replacements:
A while back a internet message board had a thread about unpopular opinions on G.I. Joe, a lot of jerks made comments on how 1982 was bad, but were they right read more to find out, and if you don't want to; the answer is "No"
Clutch and Crankcase: Clutch was a scuzzball greaser, Crankcase was some dude with anger problems unless he was driving fast. So I dunno about you, but I'd rather hang out with a dude with a beard and was fun loving and could get you chicks, than some angry speed-freak with a mustache. Also, why the hell did Crankcase wear a sweater?
Snake Eyes and Snake Eyes: This one is kind of a predicament, it's the same dude but in 82 he was a commando and not a ninja, ninjas are lame especially when they're white dudes (Chris Farley I'm looking at you) so it's a draw because it's the same dude with a sword and a ugly head, man they should have made Snake Eyes a cobra spy or something fuck that jerk
Rock and Roll and Mr Fuji Roadblock: This one is a real stretch, since Roadblock didn't technically replace RnR, but they popped another RB out in '86 as the heavy machine gunner. Roadblock was a good character, but Rock and Roll played Bass and surfed so he was just as cool, so I'm gonna compare the figures, the first Rock and Roll had awesome bandoliers and was different from most of the other 82's, Roadblock looked like Mr. Fuji and had an ugly ass vest. I guess if your full of rare figures and such, you could put a 92 Roadblock head on a 1997 "Whitest dude in the entire set is now a black man" Rock and Roll, since that mold is well colored for once.
Breaker and Dial Tone: Breaker had character traits like bubble gum chewing, Dial Tone didn't have anything, in fact it seems like Dial Tone just spent all his time with radios and shit and couldn't get a real job. Why the hell did all the bearded headed 82's get replaced by dudes with mustaches?
Grand Slam and Starduster: This is a fair one since both were unused by all media, and fans like them both. Grand Slam was a nerd who probably had a 2112 shirt, Starduster was a circus jerk who probably had a "Byrdz 1980 county fairwell tour (thats a joke about dead careers and prog and shit), and both were useless. Jet-packs aren't viable in 2007 definitely not in the mid 80's
Flash and Sci-Fi: Flash was a dude with a cool laser and didn't look like a spaceman. Sci-Fi was a dude with sudden bouts of paralysis. Flash wins because he wasn't neon
Stalker and Beach Head: Stalker was some dude who was in a gang and was good at fighting terrorism and them VC's. Beach Head was a dude who didn't get angry according to his filecard, but I'm positive that dude was angry all the time in the cartoon. Stalker didn't wear sweatpants so he beats Beach Head.
Short Fuze was a lucky man, he didn't get replaced till like 1989 or something I'm only going to 86, I ain't a chump.
Hawk became General Hawk and dyed his hair. Self-Hating Aryans are the worst.
Zap and Bazooka: Zap was a dude who very ugly and had a light green set of fatigues. Bazooka had a goddamned football jersey in bright red! Bazooka was depicted as a moronic overweight man, while Zap was a hispanic dude with bad jokes. Who the christ would take Bazooka over Zap?
Steeler and Heavy Metal: Heavy Metal was a good figure so was Steeler. However Steeler has something against him, he comes from a place with all the draculas, fuck the draculas man. Heavy Metal was named after a horrible genre of music so it's a draw.
That's everyone pretty much, I didn't do Scarlett because I'm not a sick freak who cares about female toys for young children.
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