Joes have terrible sense of fashion part 1: Pants.

From The Desk Of the Esteemed Doctor Henry Edward Miller.

One of the great struggles the Joe team has fought over the years is not Cobra, but there terrible sense of fashion. High trained commandos tasked with protecting the free world cannot pick out a decent pair of pants! Now, the Doctor is no fashion expert, but I know what not to wear into combat, but apparently these Joe's dont:

1983 Gung-Ho.

This figure is dressed in a pair of pants that look better suited in a break dancing competition then runnin' through the jungle (The devils on the loose). Gung-Ho and his terrible sense of fashion would go uncontested all the way to 1997, when they finally put a respectable version of this figure out.


1984 Roadblock:

This figure started the trend of Joe's wearing orange pants, an epidemic that is still devastating plastic army mans almost 22 years later!

1984 Cutter:

Nice bellbottoms you fruitcup.

1984 Deepsix:

Well your entire body is pretty damn useless so you get a bye here.

1985 Quick Kick:

Put some shoes on man! And a shirt too! Jesus it was a great moment in time when the SAW viper shot your half naked ass halfway across the desert.

1985 Shipwreck:

You and cutter sharing clothes again? Nice bellbottoms asshole.

1986 Dial Tone:

Hey man where did you score those bitchin' green knee-pads?

1986 Beachhead:

You know, every time I looked at Beachhead it reminded me of this kid I knew all throughout school who wore the same brown sweatpants every day. EVERY DAY from 6th grade all the way to graduation. Yeah so I forever associate Beachhead with Rodney Milsworth. Thanks a bunch Hasbro.

1986 Cross Country:

At first glance, it looks like he's wearing his socks up around his knees, only total melvins do that.

1986 Slip Stream:

Leggings are for women dude.

1986 Claymore:

Yeah, listen man, you know the whole Dusty Rhodes idol worship thing, man it just anit working out, I'm gonna drive you to mens warehouse and were gonna pick out a pair of pants with no Polka-Dots on them alright buddy? Lets get some Ice-cream.

1986 Special Missions to Brazil Dialtone:

Since when was the Jungles of Brazil red? for fucks sake, you're a poor breaker replacement, now your trying way to hard!

1987 Crazylegs:

Jesus, iron those things!

1987 Fastdraw:

Strapping Soundproofing to your legs is not gonna protect you from the Zionist leg control lasers turkey.

1989 Stalker:

Homie, you look like you shit yourself.

1989 Hotseat:

THE ORANGE PANTS EPIDEMIC CONTINUES TO SPREAD

1991 Tracker:

Nice pump-ups assface.

The Doctors Final Thoughts :Well what we can conclude here is: The Joes like pants with wacky designs and bright colors.

Next time we take a look at torsos!