Some guy named "cobra1993rathovercraftzartanfirefly98" sent us this:
ATTAIK ON VERMONT
ZARTAN WAS LIVING IN HIS VERMONT SKI RESULT HOUSE AWAITING A PHONE CALL WHEN SUDDENLY A GI JOE RUMBLER TANK ASSAULTED THROUGH THE TALL GRASS ZARTAN THEN FIRED BACK WITH PHOTOSHOP PAINT BUCKET TOOLS BUT THE GI JOE TEAM THEN SHOT BACK WITH 22. CALIBER BIRD RATED ROUNDS, SUDDENLY ROCK AND ROLL AND FALCON APPEARED IN THE ALL WEATHER ENVIROMENT (AWE) STRIKER AND ASSAULTED THE VERMONT SKY RESORT WITH .5668 HARDBALL ROUNDS FIRED FROM A 33 MILLIMETER CANON FROM THE SIDE FLANK AGAINST THE SNAKES AND ZARTAN SUDDNELY HAD TO FALL BACK TO HIS SERCRET HIDE OUT WHIST SAYING 'AW HECK HOW DID THIS HAPPEN I MUST CALL COBRA COMMANDER AND INFORM HIM THAT THE GI JOES ASSAULTED ME THROUGH THE TALL GRASS AND DID NOT FALL FOR MY JUNGLE DISGISES ALSO ZANDAR GOT DIED"
THE GI JOES CELEBRATED THEIR VICTORY WITH UNREALISTIC DIALOG AND BRIGHT COLORS
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Man, I'm gonna put that in for a F.L.A.G.G nomination!
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20,000 movies were being show in Springfield one weekend, and all the cobras had their titties perky at the prospect.
For 20,000 years, The Baroness had said "no more stupid movies, idiotcows!" so all the vipers watched were the episodes of Step by Step that Firefly had lent them on VHS.
So all the danaburgers showed up for the big showing of movies, which were all supposed to about eating giant cheeseburgers, fraggin' on Snake Eyes with .3134234 full-deriched uraniamum anti-tank hollow tipped diamond stylus automatic rounds froma 20 metere bored and stroked plasma MAMABA cannon that they JB welded onto the side of that gay thing that Zartan cruises for old florida swamp ladies with.
So they were excited about that.
Anyway, they all showed up at the theater, which a televiper made by modifiying Kristal Ballz' holodisc to project onto Dr. Mindwarpers cloak thing. It was bad ass.
TOO BAD IT WASN'T!
Cause the movie started, and it was mad awesome for like, 12 seconds, all explosions and Supertramp songs and titties and shit, but then the screen caught on fire and a buttload of Rolling Thunders came through the screen with Rock and Roll, Snake Eyes, Hit and Run, General Hawk, Quick Kick, Kwinn, Lady Jaye, Flint, Deep Six, Torpedo, Shipwreck, chuckles and Hi-Tech all shooting mad .357 caliber shotgun lasers through their faces and making them bleed and burn to death while their kids and puppies watched.
After all 20,000 cobras were throroughly bled out to death, The Joes yelled "Yo Joe" and told kids to wash their dad's cars every Saturday morning without being asked, and maybe he won't beat you anymore. PSA, fo real.
Anyway, the worst part was that the movie was really bad too, after the first 20 seconds it was mostly just old Grateful Dead footage and Destro's favorite scenes from "Glengarry Glen Ross" all out of order.
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