Stories jerks sent us

As the leading blog in the G.I.Joe fan community, what with us being the only good one, I feel that Smash the State Figure Review a thon should hand out some fan fiction, yes, that stuff that losers wrote back in the 90's because DSL was too expensive, and they couldn't take pictures. So here's some excerpts:

"ROCK N ROLLS DAY OFF" by Anonymous

"ROCK N ROLL WAS ON LEAF AT HIS HOME. HE DECIDED TO GO BEAT UP PUNK ROCKERS AND GET SOME CHICKS. ROCK N ROLL PUT A EAGLES T SHIRT ON OVER HIS 6 PACK ABS. AT THE SHOW HE RAN AROUND FIGHTING. SUDDENLY HENRY ROLLINS HIT HIM WITH A BOTTLE AND THE FIGHT WAS ON" ROCK N ROLL TURNED AND SAID "YOU THINK YOUR HARD ROLLINS, I DRINK COCA COLA FOR BREAKFAST AND I NEVER GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL" WHILST PUNCHING ROLLINS IN THE CHEST. ROLLINS THEN SAID "YOUR A DICK ALL RIGHT" AND GAVE SGT CRAIG S MCCONNEL A CRUSHING LEFT HAND ALL OF A SUDDEN COBRA COMMAND COMMANDOS ATTACKED. AN OFFICER WITH HIS GREY UNIFORM AND SILVE FACE MASKED SHOT AND KILLED GREGG GINN WHO WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF PLAYING A MUDDIED SOLO FOR THE HIT SONG BLACK COFFEE. THE REST OF THE BAND SOON WERE KILLED, EXCEPT HENRY GARFIELD AND HE AND ROCK N ROLL USED M60S TOO BLOW AWAY THE THE COBRS. LATER THAT DAY ROLLINS JOINED G.I.JOE HIS CODENAME WAS 6 PACK"

SCARLETTS DATE by unknown

"Scarlett was in her quarters, laying out her outfit waiting for her date with G.I.Joe team leader, Duke, she stood there and slowly dried her wet body..."

there was more to this, but I ain't copying and pasting some shit some nerd wrote so that he could sustain an erection.

"???" by Tommy WHEELIN DEALIN
STEVEN:
WELL I THINK IT WAS COOL.
Dukel:
I DON'T THINK IT WAS, BUT IT HAD TO BE. CAN WE TALK ABOUT ANY THING ELSE?... PLEASE.
SNAKE EYES:
WE LIVE IN A TOUGH PLACE TO LIVE AND YOU WALK AROUND LIKE EVERY THING IS OK.
Gabriel:
WELL I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE GANGS.
ROADBLOCK:
WHAT DO YOU FEAR? (GABRIEL LOOKS RIGHT AT STEVEN AND SAYS IN A COME SEROUS VOICE.)
DUKE:
ONLY ONE THING.. DEMONS.
SNAKE EYES:
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? (GABRIEL STILL IN HIS SEROUS TONE.)
DUKE:
WELL.. I AM HEAR TO KILL THEM. LETS JUST SAY EVIL IS EVOLVING, SO GOOD HAS TO AS WELL. (THERE ARE SOUNDS OF GUN SHOTS AND A WOMENS VOICE SCREAMING.
OV SCARLETT:
I DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY. PLEASE GIVE ME ONE MORE DAY.
OV PIMP DESTRO:
FUCK YOU BITCH. YOUR A DEAD HOOKER. (HAND GUN FIRE 2 SHOTS) STEVEN REALIZES IT IS HIS MOTHER IN THE HALLWAY. HE GETS UP AND RUNS WHILE SAYING