A while back Dr. Henry E. Miller criticized Cobra's vehicles like the shitter shitello, and since I doubt anyone cares about the "PIN THE BLAME ON TOM JACKS BECAUSE HE'S UNFIRABLE" legal drama plans, I'll yell at terrible G.I. Joe vehicles:
1983 PAC/RATS: Hell yeah robots man! you've got the missle launcher that would be empty in a minute, the machine gun that's got more firepower than every arctic vehicle prior to 1988, and the flame throw, because nothing says defend freedom and liberty like a robot that goes and sets people different from you on fire.
1984 S.H.A.R.C. fuck this ugly thing, it defies common sense, it's retarded and the only thing worse than this is it's driver.
1985:Silver Mirage man what the hell, it's like some old timey WWII nazi motorbike with the sidecar, and that dumbass backsheild thing aren't going to save you from the fact it's a goddamn death trap. Now i'm not a guy who does the following: Ride motorcycles, Fight a war so some old dude can get rich off my young blood, or enjoy the musical stylings of one Phil Collins, but I'm pretty sure if your on a motorbike firing a goddamn missle off it could probably cause a problem.
Snowcat: Cool an oddly shaped, useless arctic vehicle. Couldn't a gun atleast be sculpted on? Honestly after those 4 missles and 2 Ski PEDOS are fired the damn thing is useless "LOOK OUT COBRA WE'LL GET YOU WITH OUR WINDSHIELD WIPER"
Forward Observer: Fuck that tent.
1986:LCV recon sled. Yeah I totally want to drive on some weird ass thing where I have to lie on my el stomacho and look through a periscope.
Outpost Defender: Hell yeah what looks to be sheet metal, drift wood and a pile of sandbags, I didn't think the joes had THAT many hillbillies
1987 Coastal Defender: Hell yeah a shed on a trailer bed, those hillbillies sure were popular in the late 80s
Defiant: Yes those terrorists on the moon sure are gonna take us out!
Battle Force 2000's stuff, man fuck this garbage.
I could go on and on but basically it's just worse from here on out
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The PAC/RATS broke if you touched them.
The SHARC was only designed for one specific figure but it's been released 4 times without that figure.
The Silver Mirage also broke if you touched it.
The Snow Cat was even more useless if you broke the easy-break missile launcher tabs.
The Recon Sled was an infant HAVOC. The HAVOC also has that "lie on your belly" design
The Defiant, the crawler cannot support the weight of the shuttles. Incredibly shoddy design.
BF 2000, yes, the cutting-edge, advanced weapons of the future include a motorcycle half track (like the Germans used in the 1940's) with no ground clearance, painted in silver and blue. How about that jet with the '30's era gunners turret, too. Must've seen the Cobra Rattler and thought "we gotta keep up with Destro's designs." Too bad Destro was a moron.
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