Toys R Us 6 Packs

For a while, the only way to get a decent new G.I.Joe was through the Toys R Us 6 packs, since the regular figures were body building monkey armed pinheaded macho types, with problems far greater than "GODDAMN THIS ANNHILATOR IS COOL BUT PUMPKIN ORANGE, WEAK MAN" so I'm going to criticize these 6 packs for fun some were good but did they sustain popularity? (no)


Tiger Force: First off all this set wasn't even a fucking six pack but I can't think of another mold I would want to see painted orange and blue. The 88 Tiger Force were okay figures some were bad like Lifeline and Bazooka. While others like Flint and Duke and Roadblock and Recondo were really cool. Then in the 90s Europe got 6 really ugly motherfuckers, the most useful one is Outback and he looks like Santa goddamn claus, so in 2003 when they decided to make them they used the Euro scheme. Gee thanks Hasbro.

Python Patrol: In 89 they had a really goofy idea of "let's repaint the old figures and make money!" and then decided to use 3 different colorschemes, and made the trooper unable to hold his gun, I've got five and can't get a goddamn gun in their hands fuck those guys. So in 2003 they redid them but this time instead of using cool figures like Cobra Officer and Strato Viper they used fucking Laser Viper and SAW viper and gave them a maroon and black scheme and a ton of Gold paint. They looked like prostitutes or drag queens or something

I can't remember which came next so I'm claiming it's the one with Mutt. This set was probably the best Joe set even though it had weird Steel Brigade helmets, But hey it gave the fans what they wanted, useless obscure characters who no one actually uses.

Cobra Infantry 6 Pack: This was an amazing set it featured at least one brand new part, it had everything people liked, vintage looking figures, cool colors, army builders and only army builders no Major Bludd, Destro, Jesus, Metal Head, Dreadnoks, Storm Shadow, Major Altitude or Firefly. Although the weapons sucked they were still better than some of the 2 pack figures.

Night Force: Hey let's use Funskool molds also let's give them ridiculously busy uniforms and take Tracker out and put in the British guy, but that British guy just happens to be G.I. Joe but hey what the fuck people don't care about Tracker. Also ROADBLOCK LOOKS SPOOKED

Ninja 6 pack: Hey let's pack two awesome red ninjas, a decent black ninja and a cool Storm Shadow with two AWFUL female figures with ugly ass wall paper patterns on them, because painted details work well on a figures compared to molded details on the ones in the same damn set. Also what the fuck kind of ninja weapon is a Duffel bag?

Desert Team!: Ugh, you get a lowlight made from two figures, you've got awful detailing, and terrible figures, like Dusty with a stretcher head who looks like he's got a neck brace. Or Stalker with no Mustache and random silver rings on his shoulders, also another Tunnel Rat

Uh I dunno what came next so I'll mix three Cobra profiles into one! The Crimson guard sets: 2 were the same but with a different leader Tomax or Xamot, but the CG's still sucked with their awful REMOVABLE HELMET heads that looked like a bad custom by some dude with a screen name like "COBRARATHOVERCRAFTFIREFLYZARTAN1993" "Jasongijoe" or something else stupid. Also there was one where it was 6 CG's in black (yeah, real fuckin' crimson) and Ninja weapons, seriously what the fuck?

Arctic Team: Hell yeah that guy from Battle Force 2000, in 2006. Hell yeah another Snake Eyes, and Stalker, hell yeah Lowlight's Sniper and bi-pod in the same color it was in 86, what the fuck? why is Mirage clear! hell yeah the Snowjob mold as some other guy again!, .hell yeah that guy from 1988 who was an arctic guy as Short Fuse!

Urban Division: Ugh Ninja Force Storm Shadow, ugh Firefly again, hey Scrap Iron!. For some reason this set had a ton of characters and a ton of different color schemes, atleast the Flak Viper didn't suck.

Imperial Procession: Ugly

Greenshirts: More like greenshit

Night Watch: Very disapointing would have been better if they didn't be lazy and used the 04 Trooper mold.

Yeah, looking back those 6 packs were hella goofy but some good figures came out of it.