Clutch is great because he has a beard, a cool jeep and is a womanizer, heres some totally true facts about the best Joe ever:
- Clutch doesn't fuck around, one time Zap locked him out of the barracks, so Clutch dumped his old Christmas Tree on Zap's lawn.
- Clutch is Jewish and doesn't even celebrate Christmas but fuck Zap he has a dead ass tree to worry about.
- Clutch modified the radios in every Joe Vehicle to play Cosmos Factory on loop
- Clutch listens to nothing but Creedance Clearwater Revival, the only time he doesn't is when he listens to "Had To Cry Today" by Blind Faith, but thats only like once a month.
- Clutch and Rock And Roll got hired to build a shed once, but instead of building the shed, they smoked dope in the back of a van and played Nintendo, but still got paid because they got the high score in Double Dragon.
- Clutch named the VAMP "Jewish Lightning"
- Clutch cleaned out the inside of the MOBAT just to hide little slips of paper with Polish jokes on them so Steeler would get sad when he found them. "WHAT DO YOU CALL POLISH BODY ARMOR: STICKING THE TOP HALF OF YOUR BODY OUT OF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING TANK!"
- Clutch took a math test and the question asked "MARY HAS 3 APPLES AND 2 ORANGES BUT WHEN ADDED TOGETHER SHE GOT SIX, WHY IS MARY WRONG?" and Clutch just wrote down "SHES A WOMAN"
- Clutch has a helicopter full of Mr Pibb delivered to his goddamned house once a week
- Clutch was once sleeping in a bus station and got so pissed that the buses made so much noise that he designed a subway and made mad duckets from it, but declined all money and just wanted Tom Fogertys autograph instead. When they told him Tom Fogerty was dead, Clutch burnt down Ohio.
- Clutch wrote all of Neil Young's lyrics
- Clutch hung out with Warren Zevon for like six weeks not paying hotel bills and picking up strange women in North L.A, before he left Warren, he gave him the sheet music for "Excitable Boy"
- Clutch went and hung out with Fidel Castro just so he could pick up some exotic looking bitches.
- Clutch taught Neil Pert how to play drums.
- Clutch is great you jerks.
2 comments:
I like Clutch a lot it's just that the great State of New Jersey requires Clutch to 'introduce' himself to all of his neighbors when he moves in and tell them just what makes him such a special neighbor...
...but man Torpedo can't even move INTO most neighborhoods. that's why he's a diver because fish don't care how old they are when you touch them
Just don't call him Double Clutch, unless you want him to play double dutch...on your f'in carcass.
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