Stars and Gripes of Mediocrity

There was a little set in 1997 that should have been the greatest thing in history but instead it was probably the biggest case of blue balls imaginiable. It was the Stars and Stripes Forever set. It's G.I. Joe's 15th Anniversary (Look, I know there were some in the 60s but guess what only old dudes with too much goddamn money care about those, go die in a fire) so Hasbro winds up fucking things up. Funny that happened 10 years later.

Here are the original prototypes, and it looks a lot better in some areas, but worse in others:

Why does Zap/Clutch have a broken thumb? Why is Snake Eyes really just Grunt photoshopped black? Why the hell does Breaker not have a helmet. And why the fuck is Flash (it's actually grand slam) here?

The released version was quite shoddy, from helmets that did not fit. Too awful color schemes and replacement parts. The Grunt, Zap and Short Fuse figures are good for generic guys. Stalker is an amazing figure, Snake Eyes is okay too. Scarlett is for people who can only sustain an erection from looking at an ugly peice of plastic designed too get 7 year old girls to play army toys. Breaker and Rock n Roll are the worst figures ever made.

Johnny Turk reviews the 25th:

As a roadie for E.L.O. I have a lot of disposable income and a lot of free time since those niggas haven't toured in like 30 years or something. Anyways I'm reviewing the 25th jerks I own:

Storm Shadow: Nigga what kinda of ninja dresses up as little red riding hood. 1/10

Red Ninja: Man what's with the ginormus fireplace poker? 4/5

Hawk: Hell yeah forgettable figure from 82, what the fuck is with the gloves? B-

Stalker: Hell yeah black guy with a mustache and a knife (you see one Willie Horton you've seen them all) this guy is good except that he should check out the skin on his hands, motherfucking wrinkly The Subhumans (9/10)

Cobra/Cobra Officer/Cobra AIR TROOPER: Not bad better than the fucking Neo Viper

Cobra Commander: Atleast his back isn't flat this time 6/10

Flash: Dude your ugly but better than Sci Fi

Grand Slam: Dude, why the fuck did they make you? 0/0