Today is the day when we look at the TALKING BATTLE COMMANDERS
These figures we're great because they we're the total embodiment of 90's toy gimmicks: Bright colors, watch batteries and SOUND EFFECTS!
Plus they had huge fucking backpacks that we're always attached unless you took a screwdriver to the figure, the backpack would cause them to fall over onto their backs and be stuck like a goddamned turtle, a turtle that had a backpack that made sound effects!
First you had Cobra Commander, who was dressed in a pastel-purple with a rag over his head that somehow fit perfectly. He yelled stuff like: "Vipers attack!" that sounded more like "FIGHT WITH A TACK!
http://www.yojoe.com/action/91/tbc/cc2.wav
Next you had General Hawk who had the worst goddamned tan ever and was dressed in "Desert" colors (ya know for killin' all those sand niggers with the PATRIOT MISSILE) who unconvincingly yelled "Eat lead, Cobra!" and had a giant gold gun, you know made from the gold plundered from Middle Eastern countries.
Then there was OVERKILL the commander of the B.A.T.S who was painted in a menacing shade of bright green with a gold head and ROBOT PANTS. Overkill was such a goddamned advanced robot that he could surf, because he yelled "Wipe out!"
http://www.yojoe.com/action/91/tbc/over2.wav
Then you had Stalker who partied so hard he was always grinning halfway between pain and the pleasure you get when you puke all over some jerks car in the parking lot of the Grand Union that one time when I was 19. He also ATTACKED and BLITZED people, he had a fucking Ninja Star, so basically this Stalker was a black guy in a 70's kung fu movie.
I think all of these molds have been used again, Overkill was in that internet exclusive set that Corey Stintson is always mad about, Cobra Commander and General Hawk err I'm sorry GENERAL TOMAHAWK came about again in 2000. Stalker came around again in that super forgettable Tiger Force set looking like some crazy homeless dude with a black jacket and orange Zubaz pants. I guess years of PARTYING and BLITZING take their toll on a guy. Or it was gulf war syndrome.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I'm leaving all my worldly goods to sts.
Cobra Commander sounded like a Revenge of the Nerds character.
"I'll get you!"
I remember these were $10 each (in 1991-1992 money). And didn't sell for shit.
since those years were the height of G.I.Joe to me as a kid, I got them all for my birthday that year. the only one i hated was Hawk because the screws on his backpack were glued in and I could never remove it. it was the same hawk that was in GI Joe 2: The NES Game or whatever so I was sad that mine had a big fucking backpack that prevented him from punching Atlantis in the butthole like in the game
that was my first Stalker and I loved the SHIT out of that toy. also Cobra Commander was bright, but at least it was a recognizable costume.
and OverKill had a chest-machine-gun like that gangster guy from C.O.P.S. (and the worst bright red rifle ever) so that was awesome
(was my comment longer than yr article?)
I think I broke my Hawk's pack getting it off him...it was worth it, though.
Stalker's problem was he had a good mold except that one stupid foot.
I used a hammer on my hawk
Post a Comment