1997 Iceberg
Guys he's always cool--In more ways than one! This filecard tells me things. 1. Iceberg doesn't have a wife too cook for him thus everything he eats is a Tee Vee dinner. 2. He builds igloos, now I'm not a goddamn arctic survivalist or anything (I sell forged Garth Hudson autographs) but jesus christ I think the army doesn't use igloos. Because they take a fuck ton of time too build, and unless your an eskimo you can't build a structually sound one. 3. Iceberg looks hella white in his card art
1997 Destro
His filename isn't even spelled correctly. Oh and Iron Grenaiders technically came before Cobra, so the G.I. Joe comic continuity goes like this Issues 75-100 totally happened before Issue 1. Great work Tommy Wheelin' Dealin' Wheeler, this caused more damage too G.I. Joe than paintwipes
1997 Duke
Guys he's not from 1982, but he's totally cool. Like really he's better than Zap man. Jesus whichever jerk fanboy wrote this just decided too paraphrase his 84 Filecard, called him a "Man of Action" and then made graduating Airborne School to be the most important education. I guess Flint's a genius
1998 Torpedo
"That dude's weird he doesn't eat meat, let's not talk too him" I like his secondary Military Specialty "COMMAND" you could totally get away with a lot with that one.
2000 Duke
Shit, Duke was a joe before Hawk and Stalker. Take that Snake Eyes, you mute moron. Were there many EXCLAMATION POINTS! on old filecards? There sure are here
2000 Chameleon
Holy fuck, that's dumber than the dio stories about god, and anything Hawk ever wrote. How is Chameleon sabotaging COBRA missions, having them get a victory?
Crossfire and Double Blast
Two heavy machine gunner who can build guns in the dark. IN THE SAME TWO PACK. No wonder these guys have no following
that's it
6 comments:
Who the hell lets a 8 year old use Quad 50' cal machine guns.
Let alone who the fuck chops down TREES with them.
this post reminds me of de la soul's first record for some reason.
its the awesome.
"If GI JOE is the best of the best, DUKE is one of them!"
Well...no, shit. He's also in his 50's at least...and that was in 2000. What a lifer.
Torpedo is like Deep Six, only slightly less unfriendly. CLICHE.
GI JOE recruits MacGyver level talent right out of college. How about that?
was it really neccesary to mention that the rubberband Double blast used to fix his moms vacuum was shot at him in school that day?
I like Chameleon's file card just because it annoyed purists. Oh, by the way, Baroness has been a GI JOE spy since issue 23! Haw-haw!
She even shot Scarlett and tortured Snake-Eyes. Now that's deep cover.
I like Torpedo better on the cartoon where he was a cheap Dezi Arnez rip off.
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