Cobra Vehicles that weren't retarded

Vehicles for Cobra Command have been around for like 25 years, and for the most time they were uglier than a two tone haircut. Here's a list of the ones that aren't:

1. The Rattler: anything with the purpose of mudering Steeler is awesome

2. The Stinger: Even though it's armed with "SMALL AMOUNT OF RED MISSLES" It's got a razor blade ramming bar. That's better than more headlights like that pussy vamp 2

3. The Night Raven small pod

4.The Maggot: this thing actually makes a little sense. And has a gun that could blow guys up, no missles (Seriously every fucking thing has missles those things aren't good they run out quickly) and isn't purple or driven by a guy who's got hip boots.

5.The Battle Barge: One time I decided it would be awesome to do a dio with Snake Eyes getting knocked in a river and Duke being all "HEY JUST TREADWATER" and snake eyes bangs his head and drowns. However I remembered it would be awesome to not make a dio because no one would get it and didn't want to waste my time doing that (I had a bag of cheetohs and a VHS of Perry Mason episodes)

6.The Hiss II: This thing is actually a tank, plus has a big gun. Too bad there's Red missles

7.The Rage, this thing is hilarious as it's got more guns that every cobra vehicle from 1983, and it's got a motherfucking mine layer. I have a feeling this thing is not the last Cobra thing around so those goddamn things kill more cobras than the guy from Motley Crue killed friends in car accidents.

That's it, but really I guess things good be worse for Cobra, they could have all those gay Iron Grenadiers vehicles. You'd think an organization run by some jerk who's awesome at designing guns and shit wouldn't design the TANK HELICOPTER DEATHTRAP!


Ps Big thanks to Dr. Henry E. Miller for springing me my bail, and then helping me throw that pipebomb through the St Boniface KFC drive thru. Motherfuckers you make a bunch of chicken things, I'd assume you'd have learned how to make just the chicken skin. I'll destroy a statue of Abe Lincoln if I have too

The Dreadnoks as the Misfits

Me and the fine Doctor know a lot about punk rock, that's why we don't go "There is a huge difference between the "punk look" of the 80's and the "punk look" these days" when we talk about fucking Monkeywrench. But hey we're not like most joe fans, we aren't crazy ass republicans and/or emotionally stunted man children who wind up falling back to toys because girls don't understand them or they married the first woman to give them a handjob. But hey what the fuck I'll tell you 1 guy about how the Dreadnoks could be construed as chariactures of the Misfits, a Horrocore punk band that was pretty bad, is merchandised to hell and back and has spawned a good band that has an Italian.

Glenn Danzig, he would be Zartan, they both don't wear shirts, and are a lot lamer than people think

Bobby Steele (gimpy leg an all) would be Thrasher. They have the same hair and both have a cane

Jerry Only would be Zanzibar: they both suck and have horrible hair

Buzzer would be Arthur Googy: The goog fought with Danzig over cheeseburgers, I could see that hapening with Buzzer and Zartan.

I'll do the other guys at a later date, because hey fuck you I don't want to write about homosexuals and people from New Jersey all that much

The Doctors Short Takes Part: 9

Hey fuck your fascist sequential numbering schemes I do what I want!


Ever notice, on any of the popular Joe message boards that some twit is pining and waxing-longingly for a reissue of some vehicle that is considered a classic. We all know well and full that Hasbro would screw the pooch with the mold like they have with any of the older complex molds like the rattler and the vaporware tanks that jerks paid way to much for. It's one thing to make the HISS over and over, that thing could be carved out of wood, but to accually think that Hasbro has all the parts to make a Skystriker or even the fucking F.L.A.G.G is retarded nostalgia for an age that never existed.